He showed up today with his new girlfriend.
Apparently he met her at some party. She's from the "other" homeschooling group. None of us really have ever met the kids in that group. I mean I know a couple. But it's not like we're best of friends.
Jocy barely knows her. I mean she's his sister.
I remember what he said to me "Let's wait until you get comfortable in your new school." I said ok. All he said is that he wanted to wait... I agreed.
And he shows up to the bowling ally with HER.
Smooth move Alec. Good job.
I had the sudden urge to walk up to this Susan chick and tell her all the stories I know.
I guess that's what happens when you date a friend you grew up with right?
Not to mention your best friends brother....
But whatever.
APPARENTLY I sold girl scout cookies with Susan once. She was the best friend of this girl we weren't too fond of...
Katrina was.... Interesting.
But whatever. I don't care.
Let her date him. He doesn't even know what he's doing at all.
And that makes me laugh~
Ah I'll go back to waiting.
Boys are icky.
Except Sebby and all the other awesome people I know who aren't douches ;-; <3
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Happy Birthday Sebby.
Dear Sebby,
I don't think you really know how much I love you. I always tell you I know, but since it's your birthday and everything I want to put it all in a nice letter/blog thing.
You. Are. Amazing.
I don't care how many times you tell me you aren't.
But I've known you for... Almost a year now? Wow.... It seems longer. Much longer than that.
We all have our moments. I think you're defiantly the person I cry with the most. And every time you're there for me.
Every time.
I try to be there for you and do the same thing you do for me as much as I can.... I see that 80% of the time I fail. But I seriously do try. I just think you're much better at that than I am.
I know I'm a worry wart. I'm always worrying about you. Especially lately. A lot. But I know you know that. I just hope you know it's because I truly do care about you.
I can't wait until summer. You don't know how many times a day I think about how it will be the first time I see you in Colorado. I swear to god I might just faint. But before that I am just going to run up to you and give you a ULTRAHUGEMEGA hug. I'm afraid I'll crush you. But I'll be very aware of that while I'm hugging you. Don't worry~
We're going to go get ice cream. And then we'll go to the bookstore and read TONS of yaoi. And we'll just be running around Colorado like we don't have a care in the world.
You don't know how happy that makes me to just think about it.
I hope it does for you too or else I'll feel super stupid.
I wanna see Etta and Josh too. After talking Etta it just makes me want to meet her so much more. So much I think I'm going to explode!
*boom*
But yeah anyways.
Sebby I love you. I love you SOFREAKINGMUCH.
I don't think I've ever loved anyone this much! Almost as much as my sock monkey Mackie.
But seriously. Watch out. For this summer you're going to be glomped by this yaoi-loving-worry-wart-weird girl who loves you. I hope you'll be able to handle it. I'm not holding back.
I hope your birthday is everything you wished for! If not I'm going to smack a potato.
ILOVEYOUSEBBY AUHGHWEBJBFGW
Love,
Kelly
I don't think you really know how much I love you. I always tell you I know, but since it's your birthday and everything I want to put it all in a nice letter/blog thing.
You. Are. Amazing.
I don't care how many times you tell me you aren't.
But I've known you for... Almost a year now? Wow.... It seems longer. Much longer than that.
We all have our moments. I think you're defiantly the person I cry with the most. And every time you're there for me.
Every time.
I try to be there for you and do the same thing you do for me as much as I can.... I see that 80% of the time I fail. But I seriously do try. I just think you're much better at that than I am.
I know I'm a worry wart. I'm always worrying about you. Especially lately. A lot. But I know you know that. I just hope you know it's because I truly do care about you.
I can't wait until summer. You don't know how many times a day I think about how it will be the first time I see you in Colorado. I swear to god I might just faint. But before that I am just going to run up to you and give you a ULTRAHUGEMEGA hug. I'm afraid I'll crush you. But I'll be very aware of that while I'm hugging you. Don't worry~
We're going to go get ice cream. And then we'll go to the bookstore and read TONS of yaoi. And we'll just be running around Colorado like we don't have a care in the world.
You don't know how happy that makes me to just think about it.
I hope it does for you too or else I'll feel super stupid.
I wanna see Etta and Josh too. After talking Etta it just makes me want to meet her so much more. So much I think I'm going to explode!
*boom*
But yeah anyways.
Sebby I love you. I love you SOFREAKINGMUCH.
I don't think I've ever loved anyone this much! Almost as much as my sock monkey Mackie.
But seriously. Watch out. For this summer you're going to be glomped by this yaoi-loving-worry-wart-weird girl who loves you. I hope you'll be able to handle it. I'm not holding back.
I hope your birthday is everything you wished for! If not I'm going to smack a potato.
ILOVEYOUSEBBY AUHGHWEBJBFGW
Love,
Kelly
Fail cupcake A and fail cupcake D (the icing was weird and watery). I cut myself on the eggshells by accident.... and my hands are still sticky from all the fail icing ;-; ... lol Happy Birthday?
Fear.
My stomach hurts again.
Ugh been really busy lately. My friends were like "Hey how about we go shopping the day before the Christmas party so we can buy each other out presents then!"
Why did I say yes.
It was SO FUCKING BUSY. The lines were soooo long. Traffic was a bitch. ahhshdfefe
Not fun.
I didn't say much when we went shopping. I was lost in my own thoughts.
Then yesterday was the party.
I got sock monkey socks. Thank you Lanie!
I also got the movie Juno from Julia. Maybe I can finally watch it now.
Last night I had to leave the party early. I told everyone I didn't feel good and was tired.
That was a lie but I finally got to leave.
I DO feel sick. I haven't eaten much lately.
But it's not just a cold.
It's worry...?
Can you really get sick from worry? I think so.
I'm scaring my parents a little... Wanting to be left alone more than usual.
I'm worse than the moody teenager I always am. Much worse.
Hey I'm not cutting myself.
Isn't that good enough?
I lied in bed until 3am last night. My eyes were wide eyed. I wouldn't fall asleep.
I was so scared.
I like the smell of this apple cider candle. Spark spark.
My eyes hurt. I'm tired. I don't feel good at all. I STILL am worrying.
If I tell you okay I'm lying. Just so you know.
But mom and dad are on their way home with Bobby from the airport now.
It's my moms cousin from like... Florida or something... I don't remember.
Bobby is pretty cool though.
He's super nice.
Oh and he writes gay porn for a living! I think that's pretty cool personally.
But that's just me.
Not to mention he had a stroke once. So his right hand doesn't work at all.
He loves to read and always reads his Kindle by the fire.
But to write his books he has that thing that you speak into it and it puts down the word.
I just LOVE to imagine how writing his books would be like.
But no Bobby's awesome. He's pretty low key. He's going to stay with us until Christmas this year too.
I'm going to go try to do work now... Got something to proofread finally. I hope I don't mess up.
Ow my eyes hurt from crying... lol.
Bye.
Ugh been really busy lately. My friends were like "Hey how about we go shopping the day before the Christmas party so we can buy each other out presents then!"
Why did I say yes.
It was SO FUCKING BUSY. The lines were soooo long. Traffic was a bitch. ahhshdfefe
Not fun.
I didn't say much when we went shopping. I was lost in my own thoughts.
Then yesterday was the party.
I got sock monkey socks. Thank you Lanie!
I also got the movie Juno from Julia. Maybe I can finally watch it now.
Last night I had to leave the party early. I told everyone I didn't feel good and was tired.
That was a lie but I finally got to leave.
I DO feel sick. I haven't eaten much lately.
But it's not just a cold.
It's worry...?
Can you really get sick from worry? I think so.
I'm scaring my parents a little... Wanting to be left alone more than usual.
I'm worse than the moody teenager I always am. Much worse.
Hey I'm not cutting myself.
Isn't that good enough?
I lied in bed until 3am last night. My eyes were wide eyed. I wouldn't fall asleep.
I was so scared.
I like the smell of this apple cider candle. Spark spark.
My eyes hurt. I'm tired. I don't feel good at all. I STILL am worrying.
If I tell you okay I'm lying. Just so you know.
But mom and dad are on their way home with Bobby from the airport now.
It's my moms cousin from like... Florida or something... I don't remember.
Bobby is pretty cool though.
He's super nice.
Oh and he writes gay porn for a living! I think that's pretty cool personally.
But that's just me.
Not to mention he had a stroke once. So his right hand doesn't work at all.
He loves to read and always reads his Kindle by the fire.
But to write his books he has that thing that you speak into it and it puts down the word.
I just LOVE to imagine how writing his books would be like.
But no Bobby's awesome. He's pretty low key. He's going to stay with us until Christmas this year too.
I'm going to go try to do work now... Got something to proofread finally. I hope I don't mess up.
Ow my eyes hurt from crying... lol.
Bye.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Kelly Writing a Blog? No Way.
People say it's been a long time since I said anything. Well just to let anyone that cares know, I do actually blog. You just never see it. Lol.
Too depressing, certain people I don't want seeing them.
I mean I'm not saying I talk shit about all my friends behind their backs. I would never do that! It's just everyone gets annoyed at one point in time right? Besides. I'm just not comfortable showing some of my blogs anyway.
Today sucked. Math was hard and annoying. I was soooo tired the whole day and I have no idea why because I actually got a good nights sleep kind of. Better than usual.
I feel like shit.
I haven't been doing my mod work which worries the crap out of me. Even though I KNOW finally for a fact I'll get some of it done during my 5 day Thanksgiving break, as long as Oz doesn't die again like it did last weekend.
Between all this homework, dealing with all these depressed friends, TRYING to make them happy, and failing. I'm sick.
Stop saying how "Oh I'm never using my computer ever again.
I mean seriously. Don't just give up like this. Take a break if you have to. See where you stand after that. So many people are just leaving without even saying that much. More people are just fading slowly away.
It makes me sick.
Just say a reason you don't want to talk to these people.
I don't care I know there is that big reality out there waiting for you and you want to stop hiding behind a computer screen all the time.
Just say that then.
Sure I'll be super upset.
I already have my "conditions" for leaving.
I know when I have to go.
I will change totally I know, and I don't want to.
Because I hate change. I hate it so much.
But whatever.
Want to know another thing that I hate?
My friends being depressed for no reason.
"Nobody talks to me"
"Everyone hates me"
"I'm useless"
"I give up."
Shut up.
Just shut up.
I'm sick of hearing that.
It's impossible for EVERYONE to hate you.
Impossible.
Would there be people trying to cheer you up and talk to you if you were hated by everyone? I think not.
So just stop it and talk to us, like it used to be.
Yes, Oz has changed, times have changed.
One of the reasons because of that is because so many people left.
But has the concept ever crossed your mind that if you tried, just a little.
If everyone would stop being sad depressed bastards then maybe things could be happy like they used to be.
I'm sick of being sick.
I'm sick of worrying my ass off about some people the whole day.
You know why I write this in the first place?
Because half of it is a rant and then the other half is because I care.
I need to get this off my chest.
Now.
So instead of sitting there being all emo and everything just try to do something that will get us all together again.
This is a group effort.
It's hard for one person to do it.
Trust me. I've tried.
So get off your asses and do something about this.
Until everyone leaves.
This isn't a good reason for people to leave, we change this and who knows, maybe people would even come back.
Ever thought about that?
I don't think so.
I'm going to bed.
At 6:30pm.
Night.
(Typos fixed) >.>
Too depressing, certain people I don't want seeing them.
I mean I'm not saying I talk shit about all my friends behind their backs. I would never do that! It's just everyone gets annoyed at one point in time right? Besides. I'm just not comfortable showing some of my blogs anyway.
Today sucked. Math was hard and annoying. I was soooo tired the whole day and I have no idea why because I actually got a good nights sleep kind of. Better than usual.
I feel like shit.
I haven't been doing my mod work which worries the crap out of me. Even though I KNOW finally for a fact I'll get some of it done during my 5 day Thanksgiving break, as long as Oz doesn't die again like it did last weekend.
Between all this homework, dealing with all these depressed friends, TRYING to make them happy, and failing. I'm sick.
Stop saying how "Oh I'm never using my computer ever again.
I mean seriously. Don't just give up like this. Take a break if you have to. See where you stand after that. So many people are just leaving without even saying that much. More people are just fading slowly away.
It makes me sick.
Just say a reason you don't want to talk to these people.
I don't care I know there is that big reality out there waiting for you and you want to stop hiding behind a computer screen all the time.
Just say that then.
Sure I'll be super upset.
I already have my "conditions" for leaving.
I know when I have to go.
I will change totally I know, and I don't want to.
Because I hate change. I hate it so much.
But whatever.
Want to know another thing that I hate?
My friends being depressed for no reason.
"Nobody talks to me"
"Everyone hates me"
"I'm useless"
"I give up."
Shut up.
Just shut up.
I'm sick of hearing that.
It's impossible for EVERYONE to hate you.
Impossible.
Would there be people trying to cheer you up and talk to you if you were hated by everyone? I think not.
So just stop it and talk to us, like it used to be.
Yes, Oz has changed, times have changed.
One of the reasons because of that is because so many people left.
But has the concept ever crossed your mind that if you tried, just a little.
If everyone would stop being sad depressed bastards then maybe things could be happy like they used to be.
I'm sick of being sick.
I'm sick of worrying my ass off about some people the whole day.
You know why I write this in the first place?
Because half of it is a rant and then the other half is because I care.
I need to get this off my chest.
Now.
So instead of sitting there being all emo and everything just try to do something that will get us all together again.
This is a group effort.
It's hard for one person to do it.
Trust me. I've tried.
So get off your asses and do something about this.
Until everyone leaves.
This isn't a good reason for people to leave, we change this and who knows, maybe people would even come back.
Ever thought about that?
I don't think so.
I'm going to bed.
At 6:30pm.
Night.
(Typos fixed) >.>
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Putting on my mask.
I don't feel any better today than I did last night. Sleeping didn't help but I kind of knew that would happen anyway. People have talked to me, and all wished for me to feel better soon. It made me happy knowing someone cares even though when I'm just being a whiny bitch.
At 4 I'm leaving to go to Lanie's house. From there we're going to Jocy's house and going trick or treating. I'm putting on my mask (very fitting for Halloween) and I'm going to act like every thing's ok. If I don't then Lanie will yell at me and tell me I'm just some depressed, mopey, party crasher. So tonight It's going to be all pretend.
Walking around in my banana suit taking candy from strangers. Woo.
This Halloween isn't how I wanted it to be. Not at all.
Still waiting for Nick to get his butt on skype.
This makes almost 2 hours.
Oh well *waits*
I'm going to go take a shower.
At 4 I'm leaving to go to Lanie's house. From there we're going to Jocy's house and going trick or treating. I'm putting on my mask (very fitting for Halloween) and I'm going to act like every thing's ok. If I don't then Lanie will yell at me and tell me I'm just some depressed, mopey, party crasher. So tonight It's going to be all pretend.
Walking around in my banana suit taking candy from strangers. Woo.
This Halloween isn't how I wanted it to be. Not at all.
Still waiting for Nick to get his butt on skype.
This makes almost 2 hours.
Oh well *waits*
I'm going to go take a shower.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Best. Show. Ever.
Ok so I've been like stressing over this for a while now. (OMG WHAT IF I DON'T KNOW MY LINES. WHAT IF I TRIP WHILE RUNNING UP THE STAIRS.) things like that.
Well. I got there tonight, right after school. Ran lines with my understudies, ate my most favorite thing at Wendy's (Spicy Chicken Sandwich) and did a little homework. Then I got dressed into my ever so hot shirt. It's SO hot, I get so sweaty in it! I mean as playing a woman who THINKS she's a man... I'm pretty much dressed like a man. So then my upperstudy gave me this awesome little teddy bear (Me playing Teddy Roosevelt and everything) and then the best part?
I had a mustache.
A painted on mustache.... But a mustache. It. Was. Awesome.
So then I get on stage, I'm shaking like hell. But guess what. I LIKE DIDN'T MESS UP AT LIKE ALL. *dies*
It was sooo perfect! I may of mixed up a little but I just kept going! And I remembered all the important lines anyway.... I WAS SO AWESOME.
And when I wasn't onstage and stuff they had Teddy Grams for me backstage to eat and lemonade and stuff. OMG.
So then after the play was over I went out into the foyer and all my friends gave me flowers and candy and stuff. I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY. My mustache and all~
And THEN after FINALLY leaving (changing, getting all my stuff ready, talking to people, etc.) Guess what.
WE WENT OUT FOR ICE CREAM.
And I wore to mustache to get ice cream too :3
So now I'm about to go to bed. I have figured out how I shall buy all my favorite things that just came out in the shop for it's anniversary and all, I have this BIG ASS KitKat bar from my friend, and I FINALLY get to sleep... For about 5 hours but oh well....
Best. Play. Ever.
;-; <3333333
This weekend is another long weekend I guess. Since this was just the FIRST performance and even if I'm not acting I STILL have to be there every play...
Night x.x
LOVE YOU ALL.
Well. I got there tonight, right after school. Ran lines with my understudies, ate my most favorite thing at Wendy's (Spicy Chicken Sandwich) and did a little homework. Then I got dressed into my ever so hot shirt. It's SO hot, I get so sweaty in it! I mean as playing a woman who THINKS she's a man... I'm pretty much dressed like a man. So then my upperstudy gave me this awesome little teddy bear (Me playing Teddy Roosevelt and everything) and then the best part?
I had a mustache.
A painted on mustache.... But a mustache. It. Was. Awesome.
So then I get on stage, I'm shaking like hell. But guess what. I LIKE DIDN'T MESS UP AT LIKE ALL. *dies*
It was sooo perfect! I may of mixed up a little but I just kept going! And I remembered all the important lines anyway.... I WAS SO AWESOME.
And when I wasn't onstage and stuff they had Teddy Grams for me backstage to eat and lemonade and stuff. OMG.
So then after the play was over I went out into the foyer and all my friends gave me flowers and candy and stuff. I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY. My mustache and all~
And THEN after FINALLY leaving (changing, getting all my stuff ready, talking to people, etc.) Guess what.
WE WENT OUT FOR ICE CREAM.
And I wore to mustache to get ice cream too :3
So now I'm about to go to bed. I have figured out how I shall buy all my favorite things that just came out in the shop for it's anniversary and all, I have this BIG ASS KitKat bar from my friend, and I FINALLY get to sleep... For about 5 hours but oh well....
Best. Play. Ever.
;-; <3333333
This weekend is another long weekend I guess. Since this was just the FIRST performance and even if I'm not acting I STILL have to be there every play...
Night x.x
LOVE YOU ALL.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Yay for rants.
I'm sick of this.
I figured out that when dad turns off his computer (whenever that may be) the wi fi goes away.
That's why sometimes this happens and sometimes it doesn't. It's happening a lot more right now though.
I'm fucking sick of it.
I try so hard on the weekends, my week is getting to be pretty bad now... I'm getting more upset, I'm always in bad moods, and I always have to go to bed so early.
Homework has pretty much taken most of my weekday time away, so I don't really do anything else besides skype on the weekdays.
But then comes the weekend.
I just want to have fun and not give a damn about school. I want to stay up all night doing whatever the hell I want.
No.
I try so hard to find ways, but those are now going away slowly.
I have a lot of ways to get on the internet and skype.. Here's what I've done.
1. My computer in my room.
I did that for a long time. Then mom and dad found out, well the made it so my computer turns off automatically at 11 every single fucking night no matter what.
2. The family's netbook.
I used that for a while when I was sleeping down in the basement. Again, dad found out. Made it turn automatically off at 11 every night.
3. My tablet for school.
I was happy, I realized dad can't make this turn of at 11 automatically since it's pretty much school property. No. Instead the wi fi turns off every time dad turns the computer off downstairs. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. But now he's doing it more frequently, even though he doesn't know.
4. My computer in my room. (what i'm doing now)
Ok I know that's weird, but it's a long story. My computer is stupid and annoying. It runs "Ubuntu". I FUCKING HATE UBUNTU. NOBODY LIKES IT.
But when I finally got the Sim's 3, it doesn't run on useless ubuntu, so dad did this weird thing where when the computer first turns on I switch something and Windows comes up... It's not really Windows though... I can't download skype on it or anything... idk.
So the internet works, but no skype, which is what I want.
So whatever. Yeah I'm being selfish and whiny. But I'm sorry. I don't watch tv, I don't really play video games, I don't even really read that much manga anymore! Just here....
So whatever. It seriously makes me mad. I cry, I get mad beyond belief, I just go out of control... It's creepy. It makes me feel so much better when I'm here... It's not just the talking to people thing... I can listen to music I don't own here (that's a big issue with dad too), I can blog whatever the hell I want here (like this for example), I can play games, I can read manga, and I can do so many other things to make myself feel better when I get super upset. It just makes me happier. I will keep finding ways. Mom and dad aren't taking this away from me. I refuse.
I know I sound like psycho and everything... But whatever, I really need to get this out.
It also annoys me that Naji is saying how this is like a sign and someone's trying to prove something to me... No. I refuse to believe that. Yes I'm on here a lot. So sorry. It's not gonna change.
Well, I feel better now that that's all out. On a happier note...
LOOK AT THIS BADASS BLOGGER.
Thanks so much Sebby~
And also, I've heard that people can't see my new posts anymore in their feeds ever since I changed the link thing to my blogger.... That makes me upset... Maybe if people tried refollowing me? idk.
I just like to know that people can see this and choose to read it if they want... But I guess what I'm really trying to say is....
I want to be babied
Woo for selfishness.
Since I have windows turned on... I'm going to go play Sims 3 for like the first time in forever!
Bye.
I figured out that when dad turns off his computer (whenever that may be) the wi fi goes away.
That's why sometimes this happens and sometimes it doesn't. It's happening a lot more right now though.
I'm fucking sick of it.
I try so hard on the weekends, my week is getting to be pretty bad now... I'm getting more upset, I'm always in bad moods, and I always have to go to bed so early.
Homework has pretty much taken most of my weekday time away, so I don't really do anything else besides skype on the weekdays.
But then comes the weekend.
I just want to have fun and not give a damn about school. I want to stay up all night doing whatever the hell I want.
No.
I try so hard to find ways, but those are now going away slowly.
I have a lot of ways to get on the internet and skype.. Here's what I've done.
1. My computer in my room.
I did that for a long time. Then mom and dad found out, well the made it so my computer turns off automatically at 11 every single fucking night no matter what.
2. The family's netbook.
I used that for a while when I was sleeping down in the basement. Again, dad found out. Made it turn automatically off at 11 every night.
3. My tablet for school.
I was happy, I realized dad can't make this turn of at 11 automatically since it's pretty much school property. No. Instead the wi fi turns off every time dad turns the computer off downstairs. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. But now he's doing it more frequently, even though he doesn't know.
4. My computer in my room. (what i'm doing now)
Ok I know that's weird, but it's a long story. My computer is stupid and annoying. It runs "Ubuntu". I FUCKING HATE UBUNTU. NOBODY LIKES IT.
But when I finally got the Sim's 3, it doesn't run on useless ubuntu, so dad did this weird thing where when the computer first turns on I switch something and Windows comes up... It's not really Windows though... I can't download skype on it or anything... idk.
So the internet works, but no skype, which is what I want.
So whatever. Yeah I'm being selfish and whiny. But I'm sorry. I don't watch tv, I don't really play video games, I don't even really read that much manga anymore! Just here....
So whatever. It seriously makes me mad. I cry, I get mad beyond belief, I just go out of control... It's creepy. It makes me feel so much better when I'm here... It's not just the talking to people thing... I can listen to music I don't own here (that's a big issue with dad too), I can blog whatever the hell I want here (like this for example), I can play games, I can read manga, and I can do so many other things to make myself feel better when I get super upset. It just makes me happier. I will keep finding ways. Mom and dad aren't taking this away from me. I refuse.
I know I sound like psycho and everything... But whatever, I really need to get this out.
It also annoys me that Naji is saying how this is like a sign and someone's trying to prove something to me... No. I refuse to believe that. Yes I'm on here a lot. So sorry. It's not gonna change.
Well, I feel better now that that's all out. On a happier note...
LOOK AT THIS BADASS BLOGGER.
Thanks so much Sebby~
And also, I've heard that people can't see my new posts anymore in their feeds ever since I changed the link thing to my blogger.... That makes me upset... Maybe if people tried refollowing me? idk.
I just like to know that people can see this and choose to read it if they want... But I guess what I'm really trying to say is....
I want to be babied
Woo for selfishness.
Since I have windows turned on... I'm going to go play Sims 3 for like the first time in forever!
Bye.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
lol.
I scared some people in the halls today.
My eyes are red and sore, I was sweating a lot for some weird reason (probably because I stayed in my hoodie all day), my stomach was upset again throughout the whole day, I haven't taken a shower since Friday... Whatever.
Last night was hell, today was hell.
I really don't want to get kicked out of drama. I swear to god I did the work in tech lit... Yet I make a 70.3 in it. (Anywhere bellow 70 is automatically a fail grade). If I fail another grade i'm gone. And even if I got just 1 F again in a class I would still be gone. You aren't able to preform in the preformance if you were kicked out. I can only cross my fingers now.
I sent him a PM appologizing for being a bitch. He hasen't replyed. Like he ever will. Yeah right.
Ha. Just right now, ignored again. Whatever. See what I care.
I'm just some whiny bitch who wants attention.
I don't know if I'm going to take a shower or not when my homework is done, probably not.
I want a puppy.
My eyes are red and sore, I was sweating a lot for some weird reason (probably because I stayed in my hoodie all day), my stomach was upset again throughout the whole day, I haven't taken a shower since Friday... Whatever.
Last night was hell, today was hell.
I really don't want to get kicked out of drama. I swear to god I did the work in tech lit... Yet I make a 70.3 in it. (Anywhere bellow 70 is automatically a fail grade). If I fail another grade i'm gone. And even if I got just 1 F again in a class I would still be gone. You aren't able to preform in the preformance if you were kicked out. I can only cross my fingers now.
I sent him a PM appologizing for being a bitch. He hasen't replyed. Like he ever will. Yeah right.
Ha. Just right now, ignored again. Whatever. See what I care.
I'm just some whiny bitch who wants attention.
I don't know if I'm going to take a shower or not when my homework is done, probably not.
I want a puppy.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
This is for you Sebby.
Well Sebby since you turned off your comments in your last post I decided that I'm just going to write a blog for my comment to said blog.
You don't understand.
Sebby you ARE a good friend.
Who cheers me up when I'm sad and depressed?
Who made me the most amazingly cool birthday present last year?
Who sends me their oh-so-cute little drawings they do at school that day?
Who makes me happy by just talking to me.
You.
It's true. Believe me or not.
I swear to god Sebby, you are amazing.
I think you're a very good person.
You aren't horrible. You're human!
I can relate to some things you said in the blog Sebby.
Wanting things doesn't mean your a horrible person.
You're awesome.
I want you to believe me.
Your expectations for yourself are a little too high right now.
Like you said, Nobodies perfect.
And there's nothing wrong with that!
We love you Sebby.
Just know that we're here for you.
When I write this I don't just speak for myself... I think I speak for all of us.
We care about you.
We don't think you're a horrible person or anything.
But sometimes you are a little too hard on yourself.
And we want to be here for you when that happens.
WE AREN'T UNICORN ROBOTS, WE ARE HUMAN.
You don't understand.
Sebby you ARE a good friend.
Who cheers me up when I'm sad and depressed?
Who made me the most amazingly cool birthday present last year?
Who sends me their oh-so-cute little drawings they do at school that day?
Who makes me happy by just talking to me.
You.
It's true. Believe me or not.
I swear to god Sebby, you are amazing.
I think you're a very good person.
You aren't horrible. You're human!
I can relate to some things you said in the blog Sebby.
Wanting things doesn't mean your a horrible person.
You're awesome.
I want you to believe me.
Your expectations for yourself are a little too high right now.
Like you said, Nobodies perfect.
And there's nothing wrong with that!
We love you Sebby.
Just know that we're here for you.
When I write this I don't just speak for myself... I think I speak for all of us.
We care about you.
We don't think you're a horrible person or anything.
But sometimes you are a little too hard on yourself.
And we want to be here for you when that happens.
WE AREN'T UNICORN ROBOTS, WE ARE HUMAN.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Sorry.
"And I really missed him (Sebby). I thought he was going to come at the right time and save the day. But instead, Kelly came. She stole all of his attention as soon as I commented his zone. She really annoys me sometimes." ~ Cessy.
"I gave up on M completely. I mean, he's got all of Kell's attention now. I'm not exactly as jealous anymore as I am disappointed about it." ~ Sebby.
Whatever makes you happy.
I'm not going to do what I normally do, go running and crying to someone, putting all of my problems on someone else.
Wanting to be babied.
But when I talk to someone, someone else gets upset.
My 3 best friends are the people I always want to talk to.
Sebby, Cessy, and Nick.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I cause problems for you guys.
I'm sorry if I annoy some and steals others friends.
"I'm sorry" is all I can say right now.
I try to help. Why does it seem I almost always make it worse?
I know I'm looking too much into this.
I'm holding on to things that were said a while ago.
They still hurt.
I don't want to point fingers and say "You hurt me." or something retarded like that.
All I ever wanted was for people to be happy...
Yet I whine and bitch about my problems instead.
The only thing right now that would push me over the edge would be someone leaving.
If one of my friends leave, I swear to god I'm going with them.
I'm not trying to be mean to anyone, I'm just writing this to say I'm sorry.
I am. I really am.
Please believe me.
That's all I ask.
lol... On a totally different random note, this whole week has been hell for me, I've missed 3 tests and 3 quizzes now. I'm running to the bathroom every 15 minutes... And I feel like crap.
Another day home sick.
I just keep refreshing my OZ page...
It's no use. Everyone's at school.
After this I'm probably just gonna go down in the basement and play my Kingdom Hearts and yell at the unbeatable bosses... Fun fun fun! (I really do enjoy that)
When school ends I'm most likely going to call Nick again, he's going to help me with school because I have this weird thing where I'm unable to learn my states and capitals... Who knows.
And then I'll also talk to Sebby, because I love him too fucking much and he doesn't believe me.
Always saying things like "Everyone's becoming so distant" blah blah blah. SEBBY. I ALWAYS want to call you. I love to talk to you, I love to cheer you up. etc.
I mean it.
You just have to believe me.
And stop talking about all this "I'm all alone crap" Because I love you and always want to be there for you. You're an amazing person. You just never believe me when I say it.
And Cessy. I know you're going through a rough time right now... I may be someone who just hears things from others about you. And that's where I find out about things. I'm here for you... I want to be. Yeah, you never really talk much... I'm just saying I'm here if you ever want to talk to anyone at all. If I start to annoy you just tell me.
Whatever.
I love my friends. I love them so much. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU PEOPLE.
Even IF I didn't mention you in this blog, it's because I'm stupid and tired. There are so many other people. But I've been getting lack of sleep due to this dkjfbhlerfglergbrbgjh stomach. idk.
And I don't want you to read this and then apologize or anything.
Who knows.
I could be totally wrong.
I don't really care right now.
Don't look too much into this blog like I would.
This is just a pointless rant blog that I've needed to write for a while for myself.
Just read it (If you even want to) then go on with your life.
I would probably never even post this but I'm going to anyway just to make me feel better.
I love you all.
Say whatever you want about me, I'll deal with it eventually.
Kingdom Hearts sounds pretty good now. I've almost beaten it finally, there's nothing good on tv anyway.
Bye.
Kelly.
"I gave up on M completely. I mean, he's got all of Kell's attention now. I'm not exactly as jealous anymore as I am disappointed about it." ~ Sebby.
Whatever makes you happy.
I'm not going to do what I normally do, go running and crying to someone, putting all of my problems on someone else.
Wanting to be babied.
But when I talk to someone, someone else gets upset.
My 3 best friends are the people I always want to talk to.
Sebby, Cessy, and Nick.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I cause problems for you guys.
I'm sorry if I annoy some and steals others friends.
"I'm sorry" is all I can say right now.
I try to help. Why does it seem I almost always make it worse?
I know I'm looking too much into this.
I'm holding on to things that were said a while ago.
They still hurt.
I don't want to point fingers and say "You hurt me." or something retarded like that.
All I ever wanted was for people to be happy...
Yet I whine and bitch about my problems instead.
The only thing right now that would push me over the edge would be someone leaving.
If one of my friends leave, I swear to god I'm going with them.
I'm not trying to be mean to anyone, I'm just writing this to say I'm sorry.
I am. I really am.
Please believe me.
That's all I ask.
lol... On a totally different random note, this whole week has been hell for me, I've missed 3 tests and 3 quizzes now. I'm running to the bathroom every 15 minutes... And I feel like crap.
Another day home sick.
I just keep refreshing my OZ page...
It's no use. Everyone's at school.
After this I'm probably just gonna go down in the basement and play my Kingdom Hearts and yell at the unbeatable bosses... Fun fun fun! (I really do enjoy that)
When school ends I'm most likely going to call Nick again, he's going to help me with school because I have this weird thing where I'm unable to learn my states and capitals... Who knows.
And then I'll also talk to Sebby, because I love him too fucking much and he doesn't believe me.
Always saying things like "Everyone's becoming so distant" blah blah blah. SEBBY. I ALWAYS want to call you. I love to talk to you, I love to cheer you up. etc.
I mean it.
You just have to believe me.
And stop talking about all this "I'm all alone crap" Because I love you and always want to be there for you. You're an amazing person. You just never believe me when I say it.
And Cessy. I know you're going through a rough time right now... I may be someone who just hears things from others about you. And that's where I find out about things. I'm here for you... I want to be. Yeah, you never really talk much... I'm just saying I'm here if you ever want to talk to anyone at all. If I start to annoy you just tell me.
Whatever.
I love my friends. I love them so much. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU PEOPLE.
Even IF I didn't mention you in this blog, it's because I'm stupid and tired. There are so many other people. But I've been getting lack of sleep due to this dkjfbhlerfglergbrbgjh stomach. idk.
And I don't want you to read this and then apologize or anything.
Who knows.
I could be totally wrong.
I don't really care right now.
Don't look too much into this blog like I would.
This is just a pointless rant blog that I've needed to write for a while for myself.
Just read it (If you even want to) then go on with your life.
I would probably never even post this but I'm going to anyway just to make me feel better.
I love you all.
Say whatever you want about me, I'll deal with it eventually.
Kingdom Hearts sounds pretty good now. I've almost beaten it finally, there's nothing good on tv anyway.
Bye.
Kelly.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
No Escape.
I trapped it in a jar.
I trapped your heart.
To keep forever and ever.
There it will never betray me.
I will never have to cry again.
For you will be there by my side.
Please don't cry.
I love you.
Yet tears of fear stream down your face like that.
What's wrong?
It won't hurt too bad.
Just stay with me.
Don't look at me like.
Your eyes have nothing but pain in them.
Your black chipped nail polished hands are shaking.
With Fear.
Don't worry.
Everyone's afraid of death at first.
We must stay together forever.
This is the only way.
Don't be afraid.
For it will be over soon.
It only hurts at first.
Death.
I trapped your heart.
To keep forever and ever.
There it will never betray me.
I will never have to cry again.
For you will be there by my side.
Please don't cry.
I love you.
Yet tears of fear stream down your face like that.
What's wrong?
It won't hurt too bad.
Just stay with me.
Don't look at me like.
Your eyes have nothing but pain in them.
Your black chipped nail polished hands are shaking.
With Fear.
Don't worry.
Everyone's afraid of death at first.
We must stay together forever.
This is the only way.
Don't be afraid.
For it will be over soon.
It only hurts at first.
Death.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Who Cares.
Ever since I've started back up in the rush of school, my moods have been neutral.
I come to school feeling like crap thanks to this stupid weird unknown sickness thing, I do stuff, eat, etc., I then get home, do homework, maybe eat dinner, go on OZ and skype, then get rushed off of it cause of my fucking computer.
It's just a schedule I seem to have fallen into.
I don't really have time to react. I just get a pattern in my head, I need to do this, then this and this, then I can do this.
Weekends pretty much suck too.
It doesn't matter what computer I go on for skype and OZ. It turns off at 11pm sharp.
Who the hell goes to bed at 11 on a weekend anyway.
That is like the only time I actually get either super mad or super depressed, depends on what happened that day.
I just want to throw the computer at the wall.
Sure, I'm lucky I get to go at all, blah blah blah.
It doesn't stop me from crying my eyes out.
I am happy I am now a mod though.
I finally feel like I can actually do something for once. It's hard to find something to do but it's always there and I get at least one thing done every day.
Oh yeah, I stayed home from school again today.
Ended up throwing up in the car on the way to school this morning, that was wonderful.
Thank god mom was driving me and I wasn't with the people I usually carpool with.
My stomach still hurts like hell though, It's been like this the whole day.
Whatever.
I don't really care anymore.
I'm going back to the doctor straight after school tomorrow for the 3rd time in the past 2 weeks I think.
Each time I go they don't find anything, then something else happens, and I go back.
Maybe they'll actually find out whats wrong with me tomorrow.
I don't really like throwing up in the morning and not being able to eat very much at all.
Well my math teacher has probably emailed me my math quiz for today by now, I guess I'll go do that.
Bye.
~Kelly
I come to school feeling like crap thanks to this stupid weird unknown sickness thing, I do stuff, eat, etc., I then get home, do homework, maybe eat dinner, go on OZ and skype, then get rushed off of it cause of my fucking computer.
It's just a schedule I seem to have fallen into.
I don't really have time to react. I just get a pattern in my head, I need to do this, then this and this, then I can do this.
Weekends pretty much suck too.
It doesn't matter what computer I go on for skype and OZ. It turns off at 11pm sharp.
Who the hell goes to bed at 11 on a weekend anyway.
That is like the only time I actually get either super mad or super depressed, depends on what happened that day.
I just want to throw the computer at the wall.
Sure, I'm lucky I get to go at all, blah blah blah.
It doesn't stop me from crying my eyes out.
I am happy I am now a mod though.
I finally feel like I can actually do something for once. It's hard to find something to do but it's always there and I get at least one thing done every day.
Oh yeah, I stayed home from school again today.
Ended up throwing up in the car on the way to school this morning, that was wonderful.
Thank god mom was driving me and I wasn't with the people I usually carpool with.
My stomach still hurts like hell though, It's been like this the whole day.
Whatever.
I don't really care anymore.
I'm going back to the doctor straight after school tomorrow for the 3rd time in the past 2 weeks I think.
Each time I go they don't find anything, then something else happens, and I go back.
Maybe they'll actually find out whats wrong with me tomorrow.
I don't really like throwing up in the morning and not being able to eat very much at all.
Well my math teacher has probably emailed me my math quiz for today by now, I guess I'll go do that.
Bye.
~Kelly
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
For Sebby.
Dear Sebby,
I would write this and yell at you for even THINKING about leave.
Telling you to stay, how we all would miss you so much.
But for once I'm not going to be the needy person.
Trust me, I REALLY want to yell/cry/scream/etc.
But this time I won't. Don't worry, just because I'm not yelling doesn't mean I could ever lose interest in someone as awesomely amazing as you.
I'm just switching tactics.
Sebby, I would never, EVER, forget you.
I would never, even if I was in the worst mood ever in my life, I would never want you to ever leave.
Neither would a lot of people, trust me, I know.
We all want you to stay.
But I know you have your reasons, and I accept it.
You have a say too.
But know, If you left Sebby there is a 95% chance I would leave right along with you.
I'm not kidding.
We've always talked about it.
You told me the people who if they ever left you would leave too...
They didn't leave and yet you still want to leave...
That's ok, there's nothing wrong with that.
Maybe you do need a break!
But know...
We love you so fucking much Sebby.
i would never, EVER, lie about that.
So please, Just listen to what I have to say.
If you need a break you need a break!
That's ok...
I will probably leave as well... who knows.
I just please want you to think this all the way through Sebby.
Not every single person hates you.
That's impossible.
No matter how true it may seem to you then.. It's not.
There are people out there who care about you Sebby, they want you.
Okay?
Please.
Just listen.
Think about this all the way through before you do anything.
What are the pros and what are the cons?
Ask yourself that.
Please Sebby.
We love you.
Kelly
I would write this and yell at you for even THINKING about leave.
Telling you to stay, how we all would miss you so much.
But for once I'm not going to be the needy person.
Trust me, I REALLY want to yell/cry/scream/etc.
But this time I won't. Don't worry, just because I'm not yelling doesn't mean I could ever lose interest in someone as awesomely amazing as you.
I'm just switching tactics.
Sebby, I would never, EVER, forget you.
I would never, even if I was in the worst mood ever in my life, I would never want you to ever leave.
Neither would a lot of people, trust me, I know.
We all want you to stay.
But I know you have your reasons, and I accept it.
You have a say too.
But know, If you left Sebby there is a 95% chance I would leave right along with you.
I'm not kidding.
We've always talked about it.
You told me the people who if they ever left you would leave too...
They didn't leave and yet you still want to leave...
That's ok, there's nothing wrong with that.
Maybe you do need a break!
But know...
We love you so fucking much Sebby.
i would never, EVER, lie about that.
So please, Just listen to what I have to say.
If you need a break you need a break!
That's ok...
I will probably leave as well... who knows.
I just please want you to think this all the way through Sebby.
Not every single person hates you.
That's impossible.
No matter how true it may seem to you then.. It's not.
There are people out there who care about you Sebby, they want you.
Okay?
Please.
Just listen.
Think about this all the way through before you do anything.
What are the pros and what are the cons?
Ask yourself that.
Please Sebby.
We love you.
Kelly
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Downhill.
I swear, this has been the worst weekend of my life.
That's probably a lie but I'm telling you it sure feels like it.
So many bad emotions are swirling around inside me. Depression, Sadness, Nervousness, Anger, Angst, Uneasiness, etc.
Everything right now that's happening seems to be bad.
All I want right now is just to rant to someone.
I want to say every word that comes to my mind, I want them to listen to me, to comfort me, right now I just want to talk to someone.
2 days have made me the worse I've ever been.
It seems like everyone is upset right now.
I've been trying to help, I always do.
It seems like it never works. Ever.
That is a lie. I know for a fact that some people have thanked me sometimes for cheering them up... But listening to them talk, blog, etc. It seems like what they told me was fake.
I will admit. The internet has made me depressed.
I will also admit. The internet has made me super happy.
50/50
Sometimes worse than others.
But I want to stay.
I just want to stay.
This blog has started to become my diary almost...
So many things.
So many things are making me so upset.
I don't want my computer to automatically turn off at 11pm SHARP. Thanks dad.
That's what's causing most of the anger, nervousness, and depression now.
Wonderful.
And my friends?
Well my homeschool friends are growing farther away from me.
We hardly ever text anymore.
I am making new friends at school.. But I've only been there a day. And every morning so far my stomach hurts like hell.
As for my friends here?
There are the good times and the bad.
This is a bad time.
I want to see them happy.
I know for a fact that I can't make every person in the world happy.
But I still will try.
I guess it's just the kind of person I am maybe?
I don't know.
I listen to nothing but emo music right now.
I write so many rant blogs and never post them.
My emotions are everywhere.
I want someone to talk to.
To listen to me.
To comfort me.
But right now everyone here has their own problems that they need to deal with.
I admit. I'm afraid to talk to anyone anymore in fear I will put them in a bad mood.
I'm just scared.
Scared of everything.
I'm scared to ask Nick to read to me.
I'm scared to ask Sebby to talk to me.
I'm scared to talk to Cessy.
I'm scared of school, internet, the future...
Everything.
I hate this.
I hate it so much.
I'm sure it will all get better soon...
Hopefully.
All I can do anymore is hope.
I guess I just need to be patient.
And I'm one of the most impatient people in the world.
Great.
I thought this blog would help...
But those feelings are still there.
I don't want someone to read this and feel worse about themselves.
But I'm posting it anyway.
I'm such a worry wart.
Dammit.
That's probably a lie but I'm telling you it sure feels like it.
So many bad emotions are swirling around inside me. Depression, Sadness, Nervousness, Anger, Angst, Uneasiness, etc.
Everything right now that's happening seems to be bad.
All I want right now is just to rant to someone.
I want to say every word that comes to my mind, I want them to listen to me, to comfort me, right now I just want to talk to someone.
2 days have made me the worse I've ever been.
It seems like everyone is upset right now.
I've been trying to help, I always do.
It seems like it never works. Ever.
That is a lie. I know for a fact that some people have thanked me sometimes for cheering them up... But listening to them talk, blog, etc. It seems like what they told me was fake.
I will admit. The internet has made me depressed.
I will also admit. The internet has made me super happy.
50/50
Sometimes worse than others.
But I want to stay.
I just want to stay.
This blog has started to become my diary almost...
So many things.
So many things are making me so upset.
I don't want my computer to automatically turn off at 11pm SHARP. Thanks dad.
That's what's causing most of the anger, nervousness, and depression now.
Wonderful.
And my friends?
Well my homeschool friends are growing farther away from me.
We hardly ever text anymore.
I am making new friends at school.. But I've only been there a day. And every morning so far my stomach hurts like hell.
As for my friends here?
There are the good times and the bad.
This is a bad time.
I want to see them happy.
I know for a fact that I can't make every person in the world happy.
But I still will try.
I guess it's just the kind of person I am maybe?
I don't know.
I listen to nothing but emo music right now.
I write so many rant blogs and never post them.
My emotions are everywhere.
I want someone to talk to.
To listen to me.
To comfort me.
But right now everyone here has their own problems that they need to deal with.
I admit. I'm afraid to talk to anyone anymore in fear I will put them in a bad mood.
I'm just scared.
Scared of everything.
I'm scared to ask Nick to read to me.
I'm scared to ask Sebby to talk to me.
I'm scared to talk to Cessy.
I'm scared of school, internet, the future...
Everything.
I hate this.
I hate it so much.
I'm sure it will all get better soon...
Hopefully.
All I can do anymore is hope.
I guess I just need to be patient.
And I'm one of the most impatient people in the world.
Great.
I thought this blog would help...
But those feelings are still there.
I don't want someone to read this and feel worse about themselves.
But I'm posting it anyway.
I'm such a worry wart.
Dammit.
Friday, August 20, 2010
You've got to be kidding me
Ok. So this morning I got up at 5 and got ready for school...
It was my second day today and I didn't want to forget anything so after going through what I had 5 times we left. Yesterday we found 2 sophomores to carpool with us so we took them with us too... Well when we got there my stomach immediately, after I threw up all over my uniform mom took me home.
After trying to fall asleep for 4 hours I decided to just stop and do my homework.
I spent 3 hours organizing my stupid tablet so my homework would be easier to find and do. And emailed about 3 of my teachers because I was confused with the assignments. And then I even accidentally deleted one of the documents and had to redo it all.
So now I am sitting here feeling sick to my stomach, I'm drinking the nastiest tea ever, and mom wants me to go sit outside for half a hour to get some "Vitamin D".
Oh and you want to know what the worst thing is?
Well tomorrow my grandparents from Florida are coming in. So I have to move all my things to the basement. And mom and dad are like "Be sure to spend lots of time with grandma and grandpa". They have to remember how stressed about school, I'm sick, and I'll have homework to do. I'm not saying I'm not going to visit with them at all. I just need my alone time.
And I have no clue what to do about Skype. The school won't let me download it onto my tablet, grandpa is the one who will be getting my room and he takes naps all the time so I won't be able to use my computer in my room. So I'm either going to have to hook up dads laptop every night or have dad download it on a different laptop for me.
Ugh. My stomach hurts. I'm going to go take a nap.
This really bites.
It was my second day today and I didn't want to forget anything so after going through what I had 5 times we left. Yesterday we found 2 sophomores to carpool with us so we took them with us too... Well when we got there my stomach immediately, after I threw up all over my uniform mom took me home.
After trying to fall asleep for 4 hours I decided to just stop and do my homework.
I spent 3 hours organizing my stupid tablet so my homework would be easier to find and do. And emailed about 3 of my teachers because I was confused with the assignments. And then I even accidentally deleted one of the documents and had to redo it all.
So now I am sitting here feeling sick to my stomach, I'm drinking the nastiest tea ever, and mom wants me to go sit outside for half a hour to get some "Vitamin D".
Oh and you want to know what the worst thing is?
Well tomorrow my grandparents from Florida are coming in. So I have to move all my things to the basement. And mom and dad are like "Be sure to spend lots of time with grandma and grandpa". They have to remember how stressed about school, I'm sick, and I'll have homework to do. I'm not saying I'm not going to visit with them at all. I just need my alone time.
And I have no clue what to do about Skype. The school won't let me download it onto my tablet, grandpa is the one who will be getting my room and he takes naps all the time so I won't be able to use my computer in my room. So I'm either going to have to hook up dads laptop every night or have dad download it on a different laptop for me.
Ugh. My stomach hurts. I'm going to go take a nap.
This really bites.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
I'm not alone anymore
I was reading one of Sebbys blogs. I always wait a long time to read a couple of them... So I was super late on commenting but I didn't care... He was talking about all the friends he has and how he'll never be alone.
That makes me start thinking too....
I think I'm pretty much the same! I have my friends here... Here and RL. And when my RL friends are yelling at me for going to school and not staying with them... Or if I just can't see my RL friends... My friends here are here for me to talk to. All of them.
Time zones are a bitch but somehow we always work around that. My parents may yell at me for being on the computer too much... But I'm really not... Lately it's just one time in the day and it's for a while.. But they make me get off so early to "Go to bed"... WHO THE HELL CAN GO TO BED AT 9:30" ;-;
I'm going to find a way to fix that with them soon.
But as I was saying before I got super side tracked... I have everyone here. I have Skype convos with everyone almost every day... I have OZ. One things for sure, I am NOT lonely.
Sebby: There has never been a time when you didn't make me happy. Just your voice alone can make me smile. I always think I bug the crap out of you... You tell me otherwise... But that's not going to change the fact that I think I'm annoying to you sometimes...
You're still one of my best friends here. You were defiantly my first. Just you existing here is enough to make me happy! I love you so freaking much Sebby. Always know that ok?
Cessy:
(Skype)
[10:36:07 AM] Cessy: i think you're my
[10:36:08 AM] Cessy: ;-;
[10:36:09 AM] Cessy: first
[10:36:15 AM] Cessy: ;-; oz girlyfriend
[10:36:17 AM] Cessy: ;-;...
Cessy I practically cried when I read that. You are always there when I need you most! Even if it's just you listening to me talk about "That one person"... You always listen. And I try to do the same. I always want to help people.. Always always always. And when someone says something like "That made me feel so much better" Or something like that (You just told me those words 10 minutes ago too.. lol) Know that ok? I always want to help and be there for you. I always want to be there for everyone... Even if I can't. I love you Cessy. And no matter what you say you have BEASTLY MAD SKILLZ at your avi making. So there.
Nick: There always needs to be someone to tell you you're a creeper right? .__.
And even though it shows just how much more of a creeper I am, You still will read to me time to time (even if it is like pulling teeth.) I JUST LIKE IT WHEN YOU READ OK? ;-;
And still. You're there for me. At least I have someone to show my rant blogs to when I'm super upset. Thank you.
There are just so many more people that are there for me... Lily, Angie, Daisy, Noro, Hiro... etc. And I love you all. It's just I need to wrap this blog up and I just wanted to give Sebby, Cessy, and Nick a personal thank you. I know one of these days I'll write a friend blog so I can personally thank every one of you guys... And it may take forever to do but I promise I will do it.
The reason I'm writing this now is because today is officially my last day of summer...
I want to thank every one of you for making my summer a amazing one.
This is a summer I'll never forget. For now I will go from a home schooler to a.... schooler? lol I dunno.
So thank you.
Thank you all for making my summer a amazing one.
I love you all so much.
Kelly ♥
That makes me start thinking too....
I think I'm pretty much the same! I have my friends here... Here and RL. And when my RL friends are yelling at me for going to school and not staying with them... Or if I just can't see my RL friends... My friends here are here for me to talk to. All of them.
Time zones are a bitch but somehow we always work around that. My parents may yell at me for being on the computer too much... But I'm really not... Lately it's just one time in the day and it's for a while.. But they make me get off so early to "Go to bed"... WHO THE HELL CAN GO TO BED AT 9:30" ;-;
I'm going to find a way to fix that with them soon.
But as I was saying before I got super side tracked... I have everyone here. I have Skype convos with everyone almost every day... I have OZ. One things for sure, I am NOT lonely.
Sebby: There has never been a time when you didn't make me happy. Just your voice alone can make me smile. I always think I bug the crap out of you... You tell me otherwise... But that's not going to change the fact that I think I'm annoying to you sometimes...
You're still one of my best friends here. You were defiantly my first. Just you existing here is enough to make me happy! I love you so freaking much Sebby. Always know that ok?
Cessy:
(Skype)
[10:36:07 AM] Cessy: i think you're my
[10:36:08 AM] Cessy: ;-;
[10:36:09 AM] Cessy: first
[10:36:15 AM] Cessy: ;-; oz girlyfriend
[10:36:17 AM] Cessy: ;-;...
Cessy I practically cried when I read that. You are always there when I need you most! Even if it's just you listening to me talk about "That one person"... You always listen. And I try to do the same. I always want to help people.. Always always always. And when someone says something like "That made me feel so much better" Or something like that (You just told me those words 10 minutes ago too.. lol) Know that ok? I always want to help and be there for you. I always want to be there for everyone... Even if I can't. I love you Cessy. And no matter what you say you have BEASTLY MAD SKILLZ at your avi making. So there.
Nick: There always needs to be someone to tell you you're a creeper right? .__.
And even though it shows just how much more of a creeper I am, You still will read to me time to time (even if it is like pulling teeth.) I JUST LIKE IT WHEN YOU READ OK? ;-;
And still. You're there for me. At least I have someone to show my rant blogs to when I'm super upset. Thank you.
There are just so many more people that are there for me... Lily, Angie, Daisy, Noro, Hiro... etc. And I love you all. It's just I need to wrap this blog up and I just wanted to give Sebby, Cessy, and Nick a personal thank you. I know one of these days I'll write a friend blog so I can personally thank every one of you guys... And it may take forever to do but I promise I will do it.
The reason I'm writing this now is because today is officially my last day of summer...
I want to thank every one of you for making my summer a amazing one.
This is a summer I'll never forget. For now I will go from a home schooler to a.... schooler? lol I dunno.
So thank you.
Thank you all for making my summer a amazing one.
I love you all so much.
Kelly ♥
Monday, August 16, 2010
Cheeseballs.
The title of this blog has absolutely nothing to do with what's actually in this blog... I've just been saying Cheeseballs all day for some random reason.
Hmm... I haven't done a blog in a while have I? There hasn't been anything much for me to write I guess... I have my never ending mood swings... I've been doing tons of rant blogs but I never post them... That's all my Blogger is good for I guess... rants.
Well today I saw my home school friends once more, that was fun... But you know the one thing I absolutely hate? They all act as if I'm moving away and will never come back.
I MEAN COME ON.
I'm staying in the exact same house I've been all my life. I'll just be going somewhere else to "learn".
But I'll just let them believe what they want to.
Another reason I haven't been blogging much is ever since I got back from Oregon I've been so damn busy. I had this "Study Prep Course" thing last week, with taking my school photo, getting my schedule, etc... It was fun... BUT I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON DAMMIT. I have to get up at 5:30 when I actually start Thursday ;-; voeuvievnoefvnufovbuvobvodinvlsdnvdnvlsdncvlsdn
Almost every night now I've been having LOOOONG (Super fun) Skype convos with everyone... those always make my days absolutely perfect... If I had a super crappy day I just go on Skype and forget it all. And I found the one thing that makes me the happiest... Is for Nick to read to me. I'MSUCHACREEPER. But I swear it's true... Who knows why. I just like for people to read me stuff... and when I'm tired Nicks voice can put me to sleep somehow. NOT when Noro's laughing in the background though. Sorry Noro .____.
lol ;-;
But something that makes me super mad is my parents. On the weekend they made me get off at 10. 10! It's the weekend. I should be staying up till 1am or something... which I do anyway... Sometimes I just get super pissed and sneak on. Or sometimes I read for HOURS. Which isn't a very fun thing to do when you know you could be on Skype and OZ doing Ozish/Skypish stuff. I shall have "A Talk" with The Parents next week probably about this issue... Especially when on the weekdays they make me get of at 9:30 >:c
Other stuff has happened too... But I'm too tired to write anything else. I've been taking naps everyday. I'm not sleeping enough I guess... But for someones that's running on 3 hours of sleep I've been pretty hyper all day...
So yeah.
Pretty much same old same old.
Mood swings, aren't those fun.
Stressing out about school again.
Arguing with my home school friends that it's not like I'm moving away, I'm just going to school...
Mhm.
Isn't life fun.
Hmm... I haven't done a blog in a while have I? There hasn't been anything much for me to write I guess... I have my never ending mood swings... I've been doing tons of rant blogs but I never post them... That's all my Blogger is good for I guess... rants.
Well today I saw my home school friends once more, that was fun... But you know the one thing I absolutely hate? They all act as if I'm moving away and will never come back.
I MEAN COME ON.
I'm staying in the exact same house I've been all my life. I'll just be going somewhere else to "learn".
But I'll just let them believe what they want to.
Another reason I haven't been blogging much is ever since I got back from Oregon I've been so damn busy. I had this "Study Prep Course" thing last week, with taking my school photo, getting my schedule, etc... It was fun... BUT I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON DAMMIT. I have to get up at 5:30 when I actually start Thursday ;-; voeuvievnoefvnufovbuvobvodinvlsdnvdnvlsdncvlsdn
Almost every night now I've been having LOOOONG (Super fun) Skype convos with everyone... those always make my days absolutely perfect... If I had a super crappy day I just go on Skype and forget it all. And I found the one thing that makes me the happiest... Is for Nick to read to me. I'MSUCHACREEPER. But I swear it's true... Who knows why. I just like for people to read me stuff... and when I'm tired Nicks voice can put me to sleep somehow. NOT when Noro's laughing in the background though. Sorry Noro .____.
lol ;-;
But something that makes me super mad is my parents. On the weekend they made me get off at 10. 10! It's the weekend. I should be staying up till 1am or something... which I do anyway... Sometimes I just get super pissed and sneak on. Or sometimes I read for HOURS. Which isn't a very fun thing to do when you know you could be on Skype and OZ doing Ozish/Skypish stuff. I shall have "A Talk" with The Parents next week probably about this issue... Especially when on the weekdays they make me get of at 9:30 >:c
Other stuff has happened too... But I'm too tired to write anything else. I've been taking naps everyday. I'm not sleeping enough I guess... But for someones that's running on 3 hours of sleep I've been pretty hyper all day...
So yeah.
Pretty much same old same old.
Mood swings, aren't those fun.
Stressing out about school again.
Arguing with my home school friends that it's not like I'm moving away, I'm just going to school...
Mhm.
Isn't life fun.
Monday, August 2, 2010
BEST DAY EVER....
OK OK OK. SO LIKE...
FIRST.
We went to Costco. WEEE. Nah. So like it was super crowded... I HATE CROWDS SO MUCH! ;-;
But like, as I squeezed through the sea of people (;-;) I saw this box. There was something SUPER fuzzy and soft looking in it. As I got closer I realised it was a HUGE teddy bear!!!!! And I like literally screamed "GLOOMY BEAR"... Some people stared at me ;-;
But I like, grabbed it and squeezed it and wanted to take it home with me... But I knew I couldn't take him home with me cause the bear would need like it's own seat on the plane ;-;
SO. I'm going to go home and see if our Costco has it. If not then I will force them to order it for me.
SECOND.
I GOT A DORKBAT. It's a Ugly Doll! The cute little bat one! ;-;
I WAS SO FREAKING HAPPY.
THIRD (the best one)
I FINALLY SAW MY BABY (the newletter) My Email isn't on this laptop so I had to make Ari copy and paste it...I felt bad to have to make her do that... BUT ONCE I READ IT... I CRIED. I WAS SO HAPPY. SO SO SO HIGH ON HAPPINESS. OHMIGOSH, I WAS SO HYPER/HAPPY. It was amazing to see my NAME on there ;-; omg I got credit. That just made my day perfect.
OTHER STUFF.
I saw a movie and stuff.. Good movie.. Good dinner too... BUT NOTHING COULD EVER MATCH UP TO THE NEWSLETTER OR THE GLOOMY BEAR. Best day ever ;-;
LOVE KELLY.
FIRST.
We went to Costco. WEEE. Nah. So like it was super crowded... I HATE CROWDS SO MUCH! ;-;
But like, as I squeezed through the sea of people (;-;) I saw this box. There was something SUPER fuzzy and soft looking in it. As I got closer I realised it was a HUGE teddy bear!!!!! And I like literally screamed "GLOOMY BEAR"... Some people stared at me ;-;
But I like, grabbed it and squeezed it and wanted to take it home with me... But I knew I couldn't take him home with me cause the bear would need like it's own seat on the plane ;-;
SO. I'm going to go home and see if our Costco has it. If not then I will force them to order it for me.
SECOND.
I GOT A DORKBAT. It's a Ugly Doll! The cute little bat one! ;-;
I WAS SO FREAKING HAPPY.
THIRD (the best one)
I FINALLY SAW MY BABY (the newletter) My Email isn't on this laptop so I had to make Ari copy and paste it...I felt bad to have to make her do that... BUT ONCE I READ IT... I CRIED. I WAS SO HAPPY. SO SO SO HIGH ON HAPPINESS. OHMIGOSH, I WAS SO HYPER/HAPPY. It was amazing to see my NAME on there ;-; omg I got credit. That just made my day perfect.
OTHER STUFF.
I saw a movie and stuff.. Good movie.. Good dinner too... BUT NOTHING COULD EVER MATCH UP TO THE NEWSLETTER OR THE GLOOMY BEAR. Best day ever ;-;
LOVE KELLY.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
MY TRIP SO FAR.
Well, It has been interesting...
My legs are so cramped though from riding in the car.
So lets see... We're 3 days into our vacation. soon as we arrived at my aunt and uncles house we took my cousin with us and started driving down to California.
It's been long hours in the cramped rental car we have... And my back hurts from sleeping in awkward positions (I never can get used to time zones ;-;)
Today we went and saw The Trees of Mystery. It's these huuuuuuge trees that you get to take pictures of. And when I say huuuuuge. I mean it @.@
OH OH OH ANDDDDDD we got to go in this ski liftish thingy! It was cool! And I found out my dad is afraid of heights.... Interesting.
Lets see, tomorrow is going to be like another 3 hours in the car... Yay for that. And we're going to go see a few other things... All because of mom... But oh well. After that (like about Friday) we go back up to Oregon. Yeah I'm looking forward to those wonderful hours in that stupid rental car. And then for yet another week I will be relaxing in Bend, Oregon. And I get to go to this amazing comic book store that I love ;-; Yayyyyyyy.
Well I have to go before I drain all the battery out of my dads phone... Yes. The laptop is plugged into dads cell because THIS STUPID HOTEL DOESN'T HAVE WI FI :c
Well... Hopefully the next hotel will have Wi Fi...
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
My legs are so cramped though from riding in the car.
So lets see... We're 3 days into our vacation. soon as we arrived at my aunt and uncles house we took my cousin with us and started driving down to California.
It's been long hours in the cramped rental car we have... And my back hurts from sleeping in awkward positions (I never can get used to time zones ;-;)
Today we went and saw The Trees of Mystery. It's these huuuuuuge trees that you get to take pictures of. And when I say huuuuuge. I mean it @.@
OH OH OH ANDDDDDD we got to go in this ski liftish thingy! It was cool! And I found out my dad is afraid of heights.... Interesting.
Lets see, tomorrow is going to be like another 3 hours in the car... Yay for that. And we're going to go see a few other things... All because of mom... But oh well. After that (like about Friday) we go back up to Oregon. Yeah I'm looking forward to those wonderful hours in that stupid rental car. And then for yet another week I will be relaxing in Bend, Oregon. And I get to go to this amazing comic book store that I love ;-; Yayyyyyyy.
Well I have to go before I drain all the battery out of my dads phone... Yes. The laptop is plugged into dads cell because THIS STUPID HOTEL DOESN'T HAVE WI FI :c
Well... Hopefully the next hotel will have Wi Fi...
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Friday, July 23, 2010
SEE YOU IN 2 WEEKS ;-;
AGRNWEBAEASWPKLHHGEDGALSHFQWHWOEFWE.
2 WEEKS IN OREGON (not much internet), 3 DAYS LATER AND I GO TO SCHOOL (thats gonna be fun .__.) BLEHHHHHHH. IT'S GOING TOO FAST! AND I SWEAR MOM SAID WE WERE ONLY GOING TO OREGON FOR 1 WEEK ;-;
Oh well. I can't change anything now... :c
AT LEAST OZ LIKES MY NEWLETTER IDEA ;-; That made me so happy... <3
SO LIKE I HAVE A 9 HOUR PLANE RIDE (thats gonna be TONSSSSS of fun ;-;) AND THE FLIGHT IS AT 6:45PM SO WE WON'T GET IN UNTIL 3AM OUR TIME 12AM THEIRS (ﾉ｀^´)ﾉ
AND YEAH. I'm gonna do stuff :c
Time to start saying my goodbyes now... When I get back from my friends house @.@ bleh.
SEE YOU GUYS IN 2 WEEKS ;-; (and a day... Since i'm writing this blog now :P)
Even though I will still have internet... When I do get on I will try to spam you all with love comments ;-;
I WILL MISS YOU ALL AND YOUR SOCKS. ;-;
Bye for now :c
2 WEEKS IN OREGON (not much internet), 3 DAYS LATER AND I GO TO SCHOOL (thats gonna be fun .__.) BLEHHHHHHH. IT'S GOING TOO FAST! AND I SWEAR MOM SAID WE WERE ONLY GOING TO OREGON FOR 1 WEEK ;-;
Oh well. I can't change anything now... :c
AT LEAST OZ LIKES MY NEWLETTER IDEA ;-; That made me so happy... <3
SO LIKE I HAVE A 9 HOUR PLANE RIDE (thats gonna be TONSSSSS of fun ;-;) AND THE FLIGHT IS AT 6:45PM SO WE WON'T GET IN UNTIL 3AM OUR TIME 12AM THEIRS (ﾉ｀^´)ﾉ
AND YEAH. I'm gonna do stuff :c
Time to start saying my goodbyes now... When I get back from my friends house @.@ bleh.
SEE YOU GUYS IN 2 WEEKS ;-; (and a day... Since i'm writing this blog now :P)
Even though I will still have internet... When I do get on I will try to spam you all with love comments ;-;
I WILL MISS YOU ALL AND YOUR SOCKS. ;-;
Bye for now :c
Friday, July 9, 2010
Once Upon a Time~
Once upon a time. On a sunny afternoon where their wasn't a cloud in the sky. A little girl ran along the bank of the little river that separated her village from everything bad, cold, and evil. Isolated from all that evil, the village was totally protected by the river. She was a happy little girl. It was a happy little village. So happy and innocent. The girl lived with her family in a nice little cottage in the village, it was her, her brother, her mom, and her dad. A perfect family, in a perfect village. No one ever had to worry about anything. For the village was well hidden away from all the cruel and cold evil that had taken over almost all of the world. No one could find them. Their happiness was well protected.
Until that day.
As soon as she woke up on that morning she knew something was wrong. The birds were not chirping their usual songs as they would do every morning. She didn't hear any of the villagers starting their morning chores, or the sizzling of the bacon as her mom made breakfast. It was quiet. Too quiet. She quickly got dressed and went out her room to see what had happened... I'm sure that if she had just stayed in her room, like a good little girl. Or maybe if she had hid in the closet. Everything would have been fine. For as soon as she stepped out her room, That perfect picture she had had in her mind of her life shattered into a million pieces.
Her life would never be the same again.
Blood was everywhere. It was splattered on the walls, it was on the floor. It was as if the whole world was stained in red. She saw her family on the ground, dead. Their eyes glazed over looking more like glass than anything else. She just stood there. Shocked. Her whole body was numb and trembling. Tears started to cloud her vision. What went wrong? How could her perfect life turn out this way? It was then when she noticed. She was so shocked that she didn't even notice how hot it was. Fire. Everywhere. She ran out of the house coughing. She left everything where it was. And watched her life crumble before her eyes. Her perfect life.... Turned to ash.
Where is she now you ask?
Yes it's true. That all happened a long time ago. But that little girl is still there. She is waiting. Waiting for revenge. She's waiting for all that evil that ruined her life so long ago. She still lives in that village of ash. Haunting the grounds. Waiting. Even those few words keep floating around in her head repeating themselves over and over. Haunting her. They keep saying...
"Nobody's perfect."
(Damnit, Now I'm singing Hannah Montana in my head >.>)
Until that day.
As soon as she woke up on that morning she knew something was wrong. The birds were not chirping their usual songs as they would do every morning. She didn't hear any of the villagers starting their morning chores, or the sizzling of the bacon as her mom made breakfast. It was quiet. Too quiet. She quickly got dressed and went out her room to see what had happened... I'm sure that if she had just stayed in her room, like a good little girl. Or maybe if she had hid in the closet. Everything would have been fine. For as soon as she stepped out her room, That perfect picture she had had in her mind of her life shattered into a million pieces.
Her life would never be the same again.
Blood was everywhere. It was splattered on the walls, it was on the floor. It was as if the whole world was stained in red. She saw her family on the ground, dead. Their eyes glazed over looking more like glass than anything else. She just stood there. Shocked. Her whole body was numb and trembling. Tears started to cloud her vision. What went wrong? How could her perfect life turn out this way? It was then when she noticed. She was so shocked that she didn't even notice how hot it was. Fire. Everywhere. She ran out of the house coughing. She left everything where it was. And watched her life crumble before her eyes. Her perfect life.... Turned to ash.
Where is she now you ask?
Yes it's true. That all happened a long time ago. But that little girl is still there. She is waiting. Waiting for revenge. She's waiting for all that evil that ruined her life so long ago. She still lives in that village of ash. Haunting the grounds. Waiting. Even those few words keep floating around in her head repeating themselves over and over. Haunting her. They keep saying...
"Nobody's perfect."
(Damnit, Now I'm singing Hannah Montana in my head >.>)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Your Tears
You're crying again.
Nobody is there for you.
You're all alone.
No one cares.
That is what you tell me.
Saying that someone said something, did something, to you.
You don't know what to do.
For no one is there.
You start to cry harder, your feelings all scrambled up inside you.
You just want to leave.
You want to escape from the evil that you have seen and felt.
You want to leave forever.
You want to forget it all.
For you feel that if you talk to someone they won't care and they'll push you away.
Thats what I don't understand.
Why can't you see.
Why can't you see me.
I am here.
I try to be here when you need someone.
But things happen sometimes and it seems that I always miss you when you need the most help.
But when I am here...
I try my hardest to make you happy again.
It might not always help.
But sometimes it's good to just rant about everything you know?
Just spill everything.
So what if it doesn't make any sense at all?
I'm still here.
I will listen.
I will try to comfort you.
I may just say the same things over and over again, or I might just not say anything and listen to you.
But I am still here.
You may have experienced more than me.
Good and bad.
But no matter what I will always try to help.
I just want you to be happy.
I want you to feel better.
Will you just acknowledge that I'm here for you?
I'm trying to help.
I'm here for you.
You can talk to me, forever and always.
I won't push you away or hurt you.
I just want you to be happy again.
I want to see your wonderful smile again.
Please, open your eyes.
THIS IS FOR YOU SEBBY ;-; <3
Nobody is there for you.
You're all alone.
No one cares.
That is what you tell me.
Saying that someone said something, did something, to you.
You don't know what to do.
For no one is there.
You start to cry harder, your feelings all scrambled up inside you.
You just want to leave.
You want to escape from the evil that you have seen and felt.
You want to leave forever.
You want to forget it all.
For you feel that if you talk to someone they won't care and they'll push you away.
Thats what I don't understand.
Why can't you see.
Why can't you see me.
I am here.
I try to be here when you need someone.
But things happen sometimes and it seems that I always miss you when you need the most help.
But when I am here...
I try my hardest to make you happy again.
It might not always help.
But sometimes it's good to just rant about everything you know?
Just spill everything.
So what if it doesn't make any sense at all?
I'm still here.
I will listen.
I will try to comfort you.
I may just say the same things over and over again, or I might just not say anything and listen to you.
But I am still here.
You may have experienced more than me.
Good and bad.
But no matter what I will always try to help.
I just want you to be happy.
I want you to feel better.
Will you just acknowledge that I'm here for you?
I'm trying to help.
I'm here for you.
You can talk to me, forever and always.
I won't push you away or hurt you.
I just want you to be happy again.
I want to see your wonderful smile again.
Please, open your eyes.
THIS IS FOR YOU SEBBY ;-; <3
Monday, July 5, 2010
I'm Afraid of 15 Out 70 Common Fears
IstolethisfromSebby
SHHHHHH
[ ] staying single forever
[X] being a parent
[X] giving birth
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[X] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants
[X] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[X] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[ ] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriend's/girlfriend's dad
[ ] my boyfriend's/girlfriend's mom
[ ] rats
[ ] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] death
[ ] heaven
[X] being robbed
[X] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[X] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[X] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[ ] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[X] incurable diseases
[X] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[ ] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[X] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[ ] being alone
[X] becoming blind
[X] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up
[ ] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[ ] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[X] throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] super secrets
If you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it "I'm Afraid of _ Out of 70 Common Fears".
If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.
People who don’t have any are liars.
SHHHHHH
[ ] staying single forever
[X] being a parent
[X] giving birth
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[X] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants
[X] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[X] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[ ] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriend's/girlfriend's dad
[ ] my boyfriend's/girlfriend's mom
[ ] rats
[ ] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] death
[ ] heaven
[X] being robbed
[X] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[X] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[X] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[ ] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[X] incurable diseases
[X] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[ ] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[X] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[ ] being alone
[X] becoming blind
[X] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up
[ ] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[ ] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[X] throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] super secrets
If you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it "I'm Afraid of _ Out of 70 Common Fears".
If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.
People who don’t have any are liars.
Shooting Star
The stars are so bright.
They remind me of you.
You always made my day happy.
You were the shooting star I wished on, I just know it.
We had so many good times together.
We danced without music.
We sung songs that had no lyrics.
We didn't care what other people thought.
They looked at us like we were from a different planet.
So what if we were?
We never cared.
You always made me notice the little happy thing in life.
Whenever I was around you, all the stress, the sadness, everything. Went away.
How did you do it?
How did you make me so happy?
How did you make it seem like there was never anything bad in the world?
I don't know how you did it. But you did.
You laughed at me when I told you I thought you were a shooting star that had fallen to earth.
It was that laugh that made the sun come out.
The laugh that sounded like a million birds.
The laugh that only you let me hear.
I'm here to say thank you.
Thank you for coming to me when I needed you most.
Thank you for being real and not another figment of my imagination.
Thank you for always sticking by me.
I'm forever grateful to you.
And happy.
Sitting here with you in the grass.
Watching the shooting stars in the sky fly by.
They remind me of you.
You always made my day happy.
You were the shooting star I wished on, I just know it.
We had so many good times together.
We danced without music.
We sung songs that had no lyrics.
We didn't care what other people thought.
They looked at us like we were from a different planet.
So what if we were?
We never cared.
You always made me notice the little happy thing in life.
Whenever I was around you, all the stress, the sadness, everything. Went away.
How did you do it?
How did you make me so happy?
How did you make it seem like there was never anything bad in the world?
I don't know how you did it. But you did.
You laughed at me when I told you I thought you were a shooting star that had fallen to earth.
It was that laugh that made the sun come out.
The laugh that sounded like a million birds.
The laugh that only you let me hear.
I'm here to say thank you.
Thank you for coming to me when I needed you most.
Thank you for being real and not another figment of my imagination.
Thank you for always sticking by me.
I'm forever grateful to you.
And happy.
Sitting here with you in the grass.
Watching the shooting stars in the sky fly by.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Forever.
I stand here.
Waiting for you.
Waiting for your smile.
The one that gets me through the day.
Please come back to me.
Back to the place where you belong.
But I know, no matter how much I wish for it.
You will never come back.
For you are gone.
From my life, forever.
Forever gone.
Forever lost.
Forever dead.
"Waiting for your smile. The one that gets me though the day."
Yes. That is in the blog Waiting for Nothing too... But this poem was a draft in my blogs forever, I actually wrote this one first (with a little editing)... I'm just deciding to post it now... I'm super depressed right now so i'm spouting poems like this one out like crazy!
Waiting for you.
Waiting for your smile.
The one that gets me through the day.
Please come back to me.
Back to the place where you belong.
But I know, no matter how much I wish for it.
You will never come back.
For you are gone.
From my life, forever.
Forever gone.
Forever lost.
Forever dead.
"Waiting for your smile. The one that gets me though the day."
Yes. That is in the blog Waiting for Nothing too... But this poem was a draft in my blogs forever, I actually wrote this one first (with a little editing)... I'm just deciding to post it now... I'm super depressed right now so i'm spouting poems like this one out like crazy!
Monster.
You came to me.
Scared, unsure of everything around you, terrified of the world you lived in.
You came to me with tears in your eyes, begging for my help.
You wanted to escape from this nightmare.
You wanted to get away from these monsters.
You wanted to be safe.
I tried to help you, I really did.
But I only hurt you more.
I made you suffer when I tried to make you feel better.
I caused you pain when I was trying to heal your wounds.
I made you even more sad when I was trying to make you happy again.
I was just twisting the knife around in your heart making it much, much worse.
I'm here to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I was so stupid.
I was just rubbing salt on your cuts.
But all the blood drove me mad.
I couldn't stop myself.
It tasted too good.
You came to me for help, but I could never of helped you, even if I tried.
For I'm just the same as them.
A thirsty.
Soulless.
Bloodsucking.
Monster.
Scared, unsure of everything around you, terrified of the world you lived in.
You came to me with tears in your eyes, begging for my help.
You wanted to escape from this nightmare.
You wanted to get away from these monsters.
You wanted to be safe.
I tried to help you, I really did.
But I only hurt you more.
I made you suffer when I tried to make you feel better.
I caused you pain when I was trying to heal your wounds.
I made you even more sad when I was trying to make you happy again.
I was just twisting the knife around in your heart making it much, much worse.
I'm here to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I was so stupid.
I was just rubbing salt on your cuts.
But all the blood drove me mad.
I couldn't stop myself.
It tasted too good.
You came to me for help, but I could never of helped you, even if I tried.
For I'm just the same as them.
A thirsty.
Soulless.
Bloodsucking.
Monster.
Waiting for Nothing
How long have I been here? Waiting for you.
How long has it been since I saw your smile.
The one that gets me through the day.
You told me to wait for you.
You said I didn't have to worry about a thing.
You said you were only going to be gone a couple of days.
You said you would be back before I could say "I love you".
I said that everyday but you still never walked back though that door.
Now I realize what you did.
You were just toying with me.
I was nothing but your little play thing.
You never meant all those words you said to me "I swear to protect you", "I would never leave you.", "I love you.".
They were all lies.
You left me.
You left me because you never cared.
You left me here to suffer alone.
You left me, waiting for nothing.
How long has it been since I saw your smile.
The one that gets me through the day.
You told me to wait for you.
You said I didn't have to worry about a thing.
You said you were only going to be gone a couple of days.
You said you would be back before I could say "I love you".
I said that everyday but you still never walked back though that door.
Now I realize what you did.
You were just toying with me.
I was nothing but your little play thing.
You never meant all those words you said to me "I swear to protect you", "I would never leave you.", "I love you.".
They were all lies.
You left me.
You left me because you never cared.
You left me here to suffer alone.
You left me, waiting for nothing.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
The Big Oak Tree
I can remember.
Sitting with you.
Under that big oak tree we used to play under.
There's so many memories there.
Remember when we played hide and seek that one day?
You hide so well that I couldn't find you and I started crying.
You heard me and came out of hiding, and gave me a daisy you had found growing out of the ground.
I also remember another time....
It was late in June.
We laid under that big tree and watched millions of lighting bugs light up the sky.
It was as if we were surrounded in stars.
That was also our first kiss.
We were 16 then.
Then a couple years later, in the biter cold of winter, you had to leave.
Your dad got a new job. Far, far away.
I cried myself to sleep that night, the night you told me.
It felt as if the whole world was melting away, everything was dying.
Nothing could help.
The day you had to leave, you came to my house.
I wasn't there though, I was at a funeral.
You left a single rose on my bed and then left.
I kept that rose forever.
Until the last petal shriveled up and died, and that just brought more tears to my eyes.
So here I am now, sitting under this big oak tree.
Remembering all the memories that we have here, under this beautiful tree.
I'm waiting for you to come back.
Waiting for you to come back to me.
Please come back.
Please come home.
Sitting with you.
Under that big oak tree we used to play under.
There's so many memories there.
Remember when we played hide and seek that one day?
You hide so well that I couldn't find you and I started crying.
You heard me and came out of hiding, and gave me a daisy you had found growing out of the ground.
I also remember another time....
It was late in June.
We laid under that big tree and watched millions of lighting bugs light up the sky.
It was as if we were surrounded in stars.
That was also our first kiss.
We were 16 then.
Then a couple years later, in the biter cold of winter, you had to leave.
Your dad got a new job. Far, far away.
I cried myself to sleep that night, the night you told me.
It felt as if the whole world was melting away, everything was dying.
Nothing could help.
The day you had to leave, you came to my house.
I wasn't there though, I was at a funeral.
You left a single rose on my bed and then left.
I kept that rose forever.
Until the last petal shriveled up and died, and that just brought more tears to my eyes.
So here I am now, sitting under this big oak tree.
Remembering all the memories that we have here, under this beautiful tree.
I'm waiting for you to come back.
Waiting for you to come back to me.
Please come back.
Please come home.
Friday, June 18, 2010
For Sebby. My internet BFF.
YOU ARE DAH BEST!
You always cheer me up when I'm sad.
You inspire me to write things, and they turn out to be awesome in the end. I don't just throw them away like I would normally do.... lol
You are fricking hilarious.
You always make me laugh when I need it most.
You are super nice.
You have so many talents! You're great at coloring stuff and you write AMAZING poems! No matter what you say. If my mom agrees with me. Then it's defiantly true!
I think you have a great personality! Yes, you can be depressed at times, but we all get like that sometimes! It's just life :)
There are tons of other things too... But it's almost 1am here and I'm kinda out of it @.@
So I'll write you more later <3
LOL
I LOVE YOU FLAH/SEBBY/AWESOMENINJABUDDY/FLAG/ANYOTHERNICKNAMEIEVERCALLEDYOU <333333333333333
See you in a week <3
You always cheer me up when I'm sad.
You inspire me to write things, and they turn out to be awesome in the end. I don't just throw them away like I would normally do.... lol
You are fricking hilarious.
You always make me laugh when I need it most.
You are super nice.
You have so many talents! You're great at coloring stuff and you write AMAZING poems! No matter what you say. If my mom agrees with me. Then it's defiantly true!
I think you have a great personality! Yes, you can be depressed at times, but we all get like that sometimes! It's just life :)
There are tons of other things too... But it's almost 1am here and I'm kinda out of it @.@
So I'll write you more later <3
LOL
I LOVE YOU FLAH/SEBBY/AWESOMENINJABUDDY/FLAG/ANYOTHERNICKNAMEIEVERCALLEDYOU <333333333333333
See you in a week <3
Empty Shell
What have I done?
All I wanted was to be happy again.
You came to me.
Told me you could make all the pain and suffering go away.
I believed you.
You said all you needed was for me to give you one little thing.
You said it wouldn't be of much value to me anyway.
I said okay.
And you took it.
You took my soul.
You were right of one thing.
All the pain is gone.
But only because I can't feel it.
I'm numb.
I can't feel the wind on my face, I can't laugh, I can't even see anymore.
I'm just a empty shell.
All because of you.
I was so naive.
Why did I ever say yes?
For now I am just sitting here.
No one to talk to.
No one to love.
I'm alone.
All because of you.
Do you do this to everyone like me?
People who want to just be happy again.
To escape from everything.
Do you take their souls too?
And crush them.
Up into little pieces.
And laugh at the empty shell they have become.
To leave them there.
To die.
All alone.
Just like me.
All I wanted was to be happy again.
You came to me.
Told me you could make all the pain and suffering go away.
I believed you.
You said all you needed was for me to give you one little thing.
You said it wouldn't be of much value to me anyway.
I said okay.
And you took it.
You took my soul.
You were right of one thing.
All the pain is gone.
But only because I can't feel it.
I'm numb.
I can't feel the wind on my face, I can't laugh, I can't even see anymore.
I'm just a empty shell.
All because of you.
I was so naive.
Why did I ever say yes?
For now I am just sitting here.
No one to talk to.
No one to love.
I'm alone.
All because of you.
Do you do this to everyone like me?
People who want to just be happy again.
To escape from everything.
Do you take their souls too?
And crush them.
Up into little pieces.
And laugh at the empty shell they have become.
To leave them there.
To die.
All alone.
Just like me.
Picture Perfect
I stare at the picture.
The one you gave me on my birthday.
I remember that day the picture was taken.
You, with your big, goofy grin.
Me, putting my hand up behind your head so it looked like you had bunny ears.
We were at Disney World.
We had just rode the same ride about 10 times.
We got so dizzy we almost threw up!
Neither of us had a care in the world.
Those were the days.
The picture perfect moments.
The days of happiness.
The days that we wished had never ended.
The days I want so badly to come back to me.
But that will never happen.
I know it.
You told me you never wanted to see me again.
You said you needed to go.
You said you were never going to come back.
Do you know how much you hurt me?
How much pain I went through?
Of course you don't.
For you are gone. From me. Forever.
Man I really need to change my writing style. These are all sad ones! I want to write a happy upbeat one for once! But I'll have to try once I get back from my trip. See you guys in a week ;-;
The one you gave me on my birthday.
I remember that day the picture was taken.
You, with your big, goofy grin.
Me, putting my hand up behind your head so it looked like you had bunny ears.
We were at Disney World.
We had just rode the same ride about 10 times.
We got so dizzy we almost threw up!
Neither of us had a care in the world.
Those were the days.
The picture perfect moments.
The days of happiness.
The days that we wished had never ended.
The days I want so badly to come back to me.
But that will never happen.
I know it.
You told me you never wanted to see me again.
You said you needed to go.
You said you were never going to come back.
Do you know how much you hurt me?
How much pain I went through?
Of course you don't.
For you are gone. From me. Forever.
Man I really need to change my writing style. These are all sad ones! I want to write a happy upbeat one for once! But I'll have to try once I get back from my trip. See you guys in a week ;-;
The Promise
You promised.
You said that you would always be here for me.
To help me.
To comfort me.
But here I am.
Standing here, alone.
Waiting for you to come.
But you're not here.
You never will be.
Because you lied to me.
It was all a lie.
Everything was.
You said you would stay with me.
You said you would always be here for me.
You said you would never let anyone hurt me.
You said you would love me, forever.
But you left me, a long time ago.
You were never there for me when I needed you most.
You never protected me.
You never loved me, and you probably never will.
You left me here to die.
Alone and unloved.
You said that you would always be here for me.
To help me.
To comfort me.
But here I am.
Standing here, alone.
Waiting for you to come.
But you're not here.
You never will be.
Because you lied to me.
It was all a lie.
Everything was.
You said you would stay with me.
You said you would always be here for me.
You said you would never let anyone hurt me.
You said you would love me, forever.
But you left me, a long time ago.
You were never there for me when I needed you most.
You never protected me.
You never loved me, and you probably never will.
You left me here to die.
Alone and unloved.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Crimson Colored Tears
I stare at you.
While you stare at me.
Why are you looking at me like that?
In that weird, expressionless way?
I look in the cracked mirror you have standing by your window.
Blood.
Everywhere.
What happened?
What did I do?
I look back at you.
I see the blood.
The blood that stains your face.
I see how lifeless your eyes are.
And I realize.
I realize what happened.
What went wrong.
How you became like this.
I did this.
I killed you.
I look at my hands.
Their covered in crimson.
The color stains my eyes. My skin. Everything.
I start to cry crimson colored tears.
I'm sorry.
Why did it have to turn out this way?
Will you ever forgive me?
Could you ever forgive me?
I take the broken piece of glass.
The one covered in your blood.
And put it through my heart.
Forgive me.
Please.
For I never meant to do this to you.
But they made me do it.
The voices that haunt me.
Forever.
And ever.
While you stare at me.
Why are you looking at me like that?
In that weird, expressionless way?
I look in the cracked mirror you have standing by your window.
Blood.
Everywhere.
What happened?
What did I do?
I look back at you.
I see the blood.
The blood that stains your face.
I see how lifeless your eyes are.
And I realize.
I realize what happened.
What went wrong.
How you became like this.
I did this.
I killed you.
I look at my hands.
Their covered in crimson.
The color stains my eyes. My skin. Everything.
I start to cry crimson colored tears.
I'm sorry.
Why did it have to turn out this way?
Will you ever forgive me?
Could you ever forgive me?
I take the broken piece of glass.
The one covered in your blood.
And put it through my heart.
Forgive me.
Please.
For I never meant to do this to you.
But they made me do it.
The voices that haunt me.
Forever.
And ever.
Remember
Remember the days?
The days that have been forgotten.
The days that seem so far away now.
But to me it seems like it was just yesterday.
The day you told me you loved me.
I still remember the shirt you wore that day.
The one that had the rabbit on it, it said "Be My Carrot".
I loved that shirt on you.
But that was the last time I ever saw you wear it.
After that day.
The day when you told me you loved me.
The day I pushed you away.
I broke your heart.
I broke everything.
I remember how you ran away, your tears sparkling in the sunset.
That bloody red sunset.
I wanted to run after you.
To catch you.
To say that I was sorry, but I couldn't move.
That pained look on your face was etched into my mind.
Forever and ever.
So here I am.
On my deathbed.
Counting down the days I have to live.
Remembering that day.
The day you told me you loved me.
Remembering all that pain I caused you.
I'm here to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I'm sorry you had to deal with all that pain alone.
I'm sorry I pushed you away, when you needed me most.
I'm sorry.
So now will you remember?
Will you remember the time when everything was happy?
When we never had a care in the world.
Remember.
And the all pain will go away.
Please.
Remember.
For me.
And everything will all be better again.
I promise.
I got totally inspired by Flahs blog Paper Regrets.
So I wrote this! I'd love to see what you guys think about it! This is like the first time I've ever done anything like this...
The days that have been forgotten.
The days that seem so far away now.
But to me it seems like it was just yesterday.
The day you told me you loved me.
I still remember the shirt you wore that day.
The one that had the rabbit on it, it said "Be My Carrot".
I loved that shirt on you.
But that was the last time I ever saw you wear it.
After that day.
The day when you told me you loved me.
The day I pushed you away.
I broke your heart.
I broke everything.
I remember how you ran away, your tears sparkling in the sunset.
That bloody red sunset.
I wanted to run after you.
To catch you.
To say that I was sorry, but I couldn't move.
That pained look on your face was etched into my mind.
Forever and ever.
So here I am.
On my deathbed.
Counting down the days I have to live.
Remembering that day.
The day you told me you loved me.
Remembering all that pain I caused you.
I'm here to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I'm sorry you had to deal with all that pain alone.
I'm sorry I pushed you away, when you needed me most.
I'm sorry.
So now will you remember?
Will you remember the time when everything was happy?
When we never had a care in the world.
Remember.
And the all pain will go away.
Please.
Remember.
For me.
And everything will all be better again.
I promise.
I got totally inspired by Flahs blog Paper Regrets.
So I wrote this! I'd love to see what you guys think about it! This is like the first time I've ever done anything like this...
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Why am I so selfish?
If you asked me to tell you one bad quality about myself... I would say that I'm selfish. Because I truly am. I hate it. I always get jealous when my friends go out without me. Or share a personal joke, something like that. I always want to be included in it and butt in. I don't want to be like this. But I always want my friends to be kept to myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be like this, but I am.
So I'm sorry.
Sorry that I'm annoying sometimes.
I'm sorry that I butt in sometimes.
Sorry.
Please forgive me.
For I just don't know what to do anymore but apologize.
So I'm sorry.
Sorry that I'm annoying sometimes.
I'm sorry that I butt in sometimes.
Sorry.
Please forgive me.
For I just don't know what to do anymore but apologize.
Monday, June 14, 2010
First entry!
I told myself I was going to blog today. So here I am! My first one! Yay.
Today has been busy! I went to my friend Lanie's house today to go swimming... It was like 80 degrees or something! It was sooooo hot! But we had ice cream after so it was all good! And we made this really retarded video too! Ah, good times. And now as this day is ending, I am sitting here on my computer. Being on OZ, chatango, formspring, and here. While drawing yet another picture for OZ. AND listening to 3OH!3 all at the same time! :3
Wee.
But I am also very sad. For on Thursday (I think) we're going to have to put my dog down! She is very old though... Her hips have been giving out on her and she is 13... But I will miss her. Very much. Oh and I'm leaving for vacation again in like 5 days. It's not really vacation though.. More like me helping my mom run a massage tent at a bike tour (it's a long story)! Ugh. I do it every year though... But I've always brought a friend with me, and this year everyone was busy! So I'm going alone. Sigh. Hmmm... What else should I say? I dunno... I think I'll stop for now. I'm going to continue talking to Flah on chatango! :D Until my next blog. Whenever that shall be...
This entry is weird... Oh well >.>;
Today has been busy! I went to my friend Lanie's house today to go swimming... It was like 80 degrees or something! It was sooooo hot! But we had ice cream after so it was all good! And we made this really retarded video too! Ah, good times. And now as this day is ending, I am sitting here on my computer. Being on OZ, chatango, formspring, and here. While drawing yet another picture for OZ. AND listening to 3OH!3 all at the same time! :3
Wee.
But I am also very sad. For on Thursday (I think) we're going to have to put my dog down! She is very old though... Her hips have been giving out on her and she is 13... But I will miss her. Very much. Oh and I'm leaving for vacation again in like 5 days. It's not really vacation though.. More like me helping my mom run a massage tent at a bike tour (it's a long story)! Ugh. I do it every year though... But I've always brought a friend with me, and this year everyone was busy! So I'm going alone. Sigh. Hmmm... What else should I say? I dunno... I think I'll stop for now. I'm going to continue talking to Flah on chatango! :D Until my next blog. Whenever that shall be...
This entry is weird... Oh well >.>;
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