Fake Smile

She looked at me.
The expression on her face was fake.
She was trying too hard and I could tell that she just wanted everyone to believe everything was okay.
There may of been a smile on her face but her eyes told much more than she thought.
Loneliness.
Her eyes screamed out to me.

"Help me."

Last night was the happiest I've ever been in a while. Thanks David :c <3

My whole fucking life is officially over as of now. She found them. It's not long until they find all of them.

He's obviously moved on. I just wish I could do the same thing right now.

"Are you not going to blog anymore?"
"yep"

fuck.

Jocy and I were going through pictures I drew when I was 6ish. 80% of them were people bleeding and dying while the other 20% were cats and creepy hearts with faces. Hm.

He forgot.

I knew I would never get what I really wanted.
Oh well.
It was still a good birthday with my friends.

The one thing I want for my birthday the most.... There's a 90% chance I won't get it.

Mirror Mirror On The Wall.

When I look into a mirror I don't see myself. Is this normal?
I see a girl, mocking me.
An evil grin plays across her face, she knows she's better off than me.
She knows how I feel, and laughs at it.
She knows the pain and suffering that are battling inside my body, while she is without flaw.
My life and hers are very different, and she knows it.
She is protected from all the evils in the world on the other side of this mirror, while I am vulnerable to every single one of them.
She mocks me some more as she copies my every move.
Pretending to be like me.
I hate her, she is not me.
She knows I hate her too, it just gives her more pleasure to see the anger in my eyes.
I want to crack this mirror and shatter this person who is not me, to never look at her face again.
But that is impossible.
Mirrors reflect the being on the other side.
I am her. No matter how much I say I'm not.
I am a beast.

Memories.

I remember every time we would go to Skyline after girl scouts we would have a contest to see who could get the coolest stickers from the machines.

I remember staying up all night, just to wish you happy birthday the minute it was true.

I remember writing countless stories with you, having so much fun.

I remember going down into your basement and how we would play Smash Brothers on your Game Cube for hours and hours.

I remember the day you told me what manga was. I thought you were crazy.

I remember the "Mountain Dew Guy"

I remember when we were selling girl scout cookies at a Wallmart a guy stopped by in a Sunny D truck and gave us both 6 packs of that stuff.

I remember when I thought he said "The Porno Creature" due to my horrible hearing.

I remember when you and your friends drew all over my face when I was the first person to fall asleep at your birthday party.

I remember how much of a picky eater you still are. Vegetarian means you don't eat meat period. "Bird" as you like to call it DOES NOT COUNT.

I remember the first sleepover I ever had was at your old house.

I remember playing pirates on your bunk beds, you wouldn't play unless you were made the captain.

I remember crying to you and you comforting me. Countless times.

I remember when we went to Disney World together.

I remember my first concert with you. It was Kelly Clarkson and Reba.

I remember the first day I forced you to read a manga. But now your mom is more obsessed with it than you are.

I remember walking to Kroger with you just to get a pack of taco seasoning.

I remember how many times I've cried because you've made me so happy.

Tell me, what happened to all those times.
Why don't they happen like they used to.
Why are all of you so distant.
Why.

I miss you. I miss you so fucking much.

Oh joy tonight is going to be a fun one.
Stupid internet connection.

Update.

Dear _____,

I'm envious of you, still. I'm jealous of many things you can do and I can't. But despite that I still love you. no matter how much you scare me or what you say that will never change.
But most of all.
The thing I hate most out of all of this.
Is how much I miss you.

Love,
Kelly

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Deep.
That actually is for someone I'm sure you know who you are. If you're still here though. I don't know.

School is blah. I get the homework the night it's assigned and mope around my house. Oooooh super duper exciting!

I get depressed over various things, mostly having to do with my self esteem (which is in the negatives I might add) but it's nobodies fault it's mine so it's all good.

ASDDFGH. I am on like a HUUUGE writers block. Sure I cough up a poem every now and then but that's not what I want! I haven't been able to write anything since THAT happened. I want one person to help me get out of this annoying block. But that's impossible now.

I wonder how many people on OZ will remember my birthday. I have been mentioning it for a while now but oh well. Also how many people at school. Who knows. Either a lot of people remember or nobody does. We'll just have to see.

Mom gets back from Florida tomorrow. After she gets back we're scheduling a haircut for me. My hair is waaaay too long and out of control and THICK now. I know exactly what I want it to look like. Thanks Leda!

Farewell.
Kelly

Fallen Angel

By the light of the moon I saw the figure that was walking towards me slowly.
She walked up to me, her long dress flowing behind her in the gentle breeze that was sent from the starry night sky.
Silver hair fell across her shoulders and framed her perfect face.
Her electric blue eyes sparkled with mischief as her apple red lips parted in a suspicious grin and said.

"What will you do when he comes? He's coming for you."

Without a trace she was gone, vanished, leaving only a black feather in her wake.
That was when I realized what had just happened.
A fallen angel had just told me my fate.
Death.