I need someone to talk to right now. Too bad no one's even here.

I love you.
My 3 favorite words.

This is for you Sebby.

Well Sebby since you turned off your comments in your last post I decided that I'm just going to write a blog for my comment to said blog.

You don't understand.
Sebby you ARE a good friend.
Who cheers me up when I'm sad and depressed?
Who made me the most amazingly cool birthday present last year?
Who sends me their oh-so-cute little drawings they do at school that day?
Who makes me happy by just talking to me.
You.

It's true. Believe me or not.
I swear to god Sebby, you are amazing.
I think you're a very good person.
You aren't horrible. You're human!
I can relate to some things you said in the blog Sebby.

Wanting things doesn't mean your a horrible person.
You're awesome.
I want you to believe me.
Your expectations for yourself are a little too high right now.
Like you said, Nobodies perfect.
And there's nothing wrong with that!

We love you Sebby.
Just know that we're here for you.
When I write this I don't just speak for myself... I think I speak for all of us.
We care about you.
We don't think you're a horrible person or anything.
But sometimes you are a little too hard on yourself.
And we want to be here for you when that happens.
WE AREN'T UNICORN ROBOTS, WE ARE HUMAN.

Sorry.

"And I really missed him (Sebby). I thought he was going to come at the right time and save the day. But instead, Kelly came. She stole all of his attention as soon as I commented his zone. She really annoys me sometimes." ~ Cessy.

"I gave up on M completely. I mean, he's got all of Kell's attention now. I'm not exactly as jealous anymore as I am disappointed about it." ~ Sebby.


Whatever makes you happy.
I'm not going to do what I normally do, go running and crying to someone, putting all of my problems on someone else.
Wanting to be babied.
But when I talk to someone, someone else gets upset.
My 3 best friends are the people I always want to talk to.
Sebby, Cessy, and Nick.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I cause problems for you guys.
I'm sorry if I annoy some and steals others friends.
"I'm sorry" is all I can say right now.

I try to help. Why does it seem I almost always make it worse?
I know I'm looking too much into this.
I'm holding on to things that were said a while ago.
They still hurt.

I don't want to point fingers and say "You hurt me." or something retarded like that.
All I ever wanted was for people to be happy...
Yet I whine and bitch about my problems instead.
The only thing right now that would push me over the edge would be someone leaving.
If one of my friends leave, I swear to god I'm going with them.
I'm not trying to be mean to anyone, I'm just writing this to say I'm sorry.
I am. I really am.
Please believe me.
That's all I ask.

lol... On a totally different random note, this whole week has been hell for me, I've missed 3 tests and 3 quizzes now. I'm running to the bathroom every 15 minutes... And I feel like crap.
Another day home sick.
I just keep refreshing my OZ page...
It's no use. Everyone's at school.
After this I'm probably just gonna go down in the basement and play my Kingdom Hearts and yell at the unbeatable bosses... Fun fun fun! (I really do enjoy that)
When school ends I'm most likely going to call Nick again, he's going to help me with school because I have this weird thing where I'm unable to learn my states and capitals... Who knows.
And then I'll also talk to Sebby, because I love him too fucking much and he doesn't believe me.
Always saying things like "Everyone's becoming so distant" blah blah blah. SEBBY. I ALWAYS want to call you. I love to talk to you, I love to cheer you up. etc.
I mean it.
You just have to believe me.
And stop talking about all this "I'm all alone crap" Because I love you and always want to be there for you. You're an amazing person. You just never believe me when I say it.
And Cessy. I know you're going through a rough time right now... I may be someone who just hears things from others about you. And that's where I find out about things. I'm here for you... I want to be. Yeah, you never really talk much... I'm just saying I'm here if you ever want to talk to anyone at all. If I start to annoy you just tell me.

Whatever.
I love my friends. I love them so much. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU PEOPLE.
Even IF I didn't mention you in this blog, it's because I'm stupid and tired. There are so many other people. But I've been getting lack of sleep due to this dkjfbhlerfglergbrbgjh stomach. idk.

And I don't want you to read this and then apologize or anything.
Who knows.
I could be totally wrong.
I don't really care right now.
Don't look too much into this blog like I would.
This is just a pointless rant blog that I've needed to write for a while for myself.
Just read it (If you even want to) then go on with your life.
I would probably never even post this but I'm going to anyway just to make me feel better.

I love you all.
Say whatever you want about me, I'll deal with it eventually.

Kingdom Hearts sounds pretty good now. I've almost beaten it finally, there's nothing good on tv anyway.
Bye.

Kelly.

No Escape.

I trapped it in a jar.
I trapped your heart.
To keep forever and ever.
There it will never betray me.
I will never have to cry again.
For you will be there by my side.

Please don't cry.
I love you.
Yet tears of fear stream down your face like that.
What's wrong?
It won't hurt too bad.
Just stay with me.

Don't look at me like.
Your eyes have nothing but pain in them.
Your black chipped nail polished hands are shaking.
With Fear.
Don't worry.
Everyone's afraid of death at first.

We must stay together forever.
This is the only way.
Don't be afraid.
For it will be over soon.
It only hurts at first.

Death.

Who Cares.

Ever since I've started back up in the rush of school, my moods have been neutral.
I come to school feeling like crap thanks to this stupid weird unknown sickness thing, I do stuff, eat, etc., I then get home, do homework, maybe eat dinner, go on OZ and skype, then get rushed off of it cause of my fucking computer.
It's just a schedule I seem to have fallen into.
I don't really have time to react. I just get a pattern in my head, I need to do this, then this and this, then I can do this.
Weekends pretty much suck too.
It doesn't matter what computer I go on for skype and OZ. It turns off at 11pm sharp.
Who the hell goes to bed at 11 on a weekend anyway.
That is like the only time I actually get either super mad or super depressed, depends on what happened that day.
I just want to throw the computer at the wall.
Sure, I'm lucky I get to go at all, blah blah blah.
It doesn't stop me from crying my eyes out.
I am happy I am now a mod though.
I finally feel like I can actually do something for once. It's hard to find something to do but it's always there and I get at least one thing done every day.
Oh yeah, I stayed home from school again today.
Ended up throwing up in the car on the way to school this morning, that was wonderful.
Thank god mom was driving me and I wasn't with the people I usually carpool with.
My stomach still hurts like hell though, It's been like this the whole day.
Whatever.
I don't really care anymore.
I'm going back to the doctor straight after school tomorrow for the 3rd time in the past 2 weeks I think.
Each time I go they don't find anything, then something else happens, and I go back.
Maybe they'll actually find out whats wrong with me tomorrow.
I don't really like throwing up in the morning and not being able to eat very much at all.
Well my math teacher has probably emailed me my math quiz for today by now, I guess I'll go do that.
Bye.
~Kelly

Why do I feel so unwanted right now.

Fuck my life.

You can do it Sebby. We know you can ♡