I stand here.
Waiting for you.
Waiting for your smile.
The one that gets me through the day.
Please come back to me.
Back to the place where you belong.
But I know, no matter how much I wish for it.
You will never come back.
For you are gone.
From my life, forever.
Forever gone.
Forever lost.
Forever dead.
"Waiting for your smile. The one that gets me though the day."
Yes. That is in the blog Waiting for Nothing too... But this poem was a draft in my blogs forever, I actually wrote this one first (with a little editing)... I'm just deciding to post it now... I'm super depressed right now so i'm spouting poems like this one out like crazy!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monster.
You came to me.
Scared, unsure of everything around you, terrified of the world you lived in.
You came to me with tears in your eyes, begging for my help.
You wanted to escape from this nightmare.
You wanted to get away from these monsters.
You wanted to be safe.
I tried to help you, I really did.
But I only hurt you more.
I made you suffer when I tried to make you feel better.
I caused you pain when I was trying to heal your wounds.
I made you even more sad when I was trying to make you happy again.
I was just twisting the knife around in your heart making it much, much worse.
I'm here to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I was so stupid.
I was just rubbing salt on your cuts.
But all the blood drove me mad.
I couldn't stop myself.
It tasted too good.
You came to me for help, but I could never of helped you, even if I tried.
For I'm just the same as them.
A thirsty.
Soulless.
Bloodsucking.
Monster.
Scared, unsure of everything around you, terrified of the world you lived in.
You came to me with tears in your eyes, begging for my help.
You wanted to escape from this nightmare.
You wanted to get away from these monsters.
You wanted to be safe.
I tried to help you, I really did.
But I only hurt you more.
I made you suffer when I tried to make you feel better.
I caused you pain when I was trying to heal your wounds.
I made you even more sad when I was trying to make you happy again.
I was just twisting the knife around in your heart making it much, much worse.
I'm here to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I was so stupid.
I was just rubbing salt on your cuts.
But all the blood drove me mad.
I couldn't stop myself.
It tasted too good.
You came to me for help, but I could never of helped you, even if I tried.
For I'm just the same as them.
A thirsty.
Soulless.
Bloodsucking.
Monster.
Waiting for Nothing
How long have I been here? Waiting for you.
How long has it been since I saw your smile.
The one that gets me through the day.
You told me to wait for you.
You said I didn't have to worry about a thing.
You said you were only going to be gone a couple of days.
You said you would be back before I could say "I love you".
I said that everyday but you still never walked back though that door.
Now I realize what you did.
You were just toying with me.
I was nothing but your little play thing.
You never meant all those words you said to me "I swear to protect you", "I would never leave you.", "I love you.".
They were all lies.
You left me.
You left me because you never cared.
You left me here to suffer alone.
You left me, waiting for nothing.
How long has it been since I saw your smile.
The one that gets me through the day.
You told me to wait for you.
You said I didn't have to worry about a thing.
You said you were only going to be gone a couple of days.
You said you would be back before I could say "I love you".
I said that everyday but you still never walked back though that door.
Now I realize what you did.
You were just toying with me.
I was nothing but your little play thing.
You never meant all those words you said to me "I swear to protect you", "I would never leave you.", "I love you.".
They were all lies.
You left me.
You left me because you never cared.
You left me here to suffer alone.
You left me, waiting for nothing.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
The Big Oak Tree
I can remember.
Sitting with you.
Under that big oak tree we used to play under.
There's so many memories there.
Remember when we played hide and seek that one day?
You hide so well that I couldn't find you and I started crying.
You heard me and came out of hiding, and gave me a daisy you had found growing out of the ground.
I also remember another time....
It was late in June.
We laid under that big tree and watched millions of lighting bugs light up the sky.
It was as if we were surrounded in stars.
That was also our first kiss.
We were 16 then.
Then a couple years later, in the biter cold of winter, you had to leave.
Your dad got a new job. Far, far away.
I cried myself to sleep that night, the night you told me.
It felt as if the whole world was melting away, everything was dying.
Nothing could help.
The day you had to leave, you came to my house.
I wasn't there though, I was at a funeral.
You left a single rose on my bed and then left.
I kept that rose forever.
Until the last petal shriveled up and died, and that just brought more tears to my eyes.
So here I am now, sitting under this big oak tree.
Remembering all the memories that we have here, under this beautiful tree.
I'm waiting for you to come back.
Waiting for you to come back to me.
Please come back.
Please come home.
Sitting with you.
Under that big oak tree we used to play under.
There's so many memories there.
Remember when we played hide and seek that one day?
You hide so well that I couldn't find you and I started crying.
You heard me and came out of hiding, and gave me a daisy you had found growing out of the ground.
I also remember another time....
It was late in June.
We laid under that big tree and watched millions of lighting bugs light up the sky.
It was as if we were surrounded in stars.
That was also our first kiss.
We were 16 then.
Then a couple years later, in the biter cold of winter, you had to leave.
Your dad got a new job. Far, far away.
I cried myself to sleep that night, the night you told me.
It felt as if the whole world was melting away, everything was dying.
Nothing could help.
The day you had to leave, you came to my house.
I wasn't there though, I was at a funeral.
You left a single rose on my bed and then left.
I kept that rose forever.
Until the last petal shriveled up and died, and that just brought more tears to my eyes.
So here I am now, sitting under this big oak tree.
Remembering all the memories that we have here, under this beautiful tree.
I'm waiting for you to come back.
Waiting for you to come back to me.
Please come back.
Please come home.
Friday, June 18, 2010
For Sebby. My internet BFF.
YOU ARE DAH BEST!
You always cheer me up when I'm sad.
You inspire me to write things, and they turn out to be awesome in the end. I don't just throw them away like I would normally do.... lol
You are fricking hilarious.
You always make me laugh when I need it most.
You are super nice.
You have so many talents! You're great at coloring stuff and you write AMAZING poems! No matter what you say. If my mom agrees with me. Then it's defiantly true!
I think you have a great personality! Yes, you can be depressed at times, but we all get like that sometimes! It's just life :)
There are tons of other things too... But it's almost 1am here and I'm kinda out of it @.@
So I'll write you more later <3
LOL
I LOVE YOU FLAH/SEBBY/AWESOMENINJABUDDY/FLAG/ANYOTHERNICKNAMEIEVERCALLEDYOU <333333333333333
See you in a week <3
You always cheer me up when I'm sad.
You inspire me to write things, and they turn out to be awesome in the end. I don't just throw them away like I would normally do.... lol
You are fricking hilarious.
You always make me laugh when I need it most.
You are super nice.
You have so many talents! You're great at coloring stuff and you write AMAZING poems! No matter what you say. If my mom agrees with me. Then it's defiantly true!
I think you have a great personality! Yes, you can be depressed at times, but we all get like that sometimes! It's just life :)
There are tons of other things too... But it's almost 1am here and I'm kinda out of it @.@
So I'll write you more later <3
LOL
I LOVE YOU FLAH/SEBBY/AWESOMENINJABUDDY/FLAG/ANYOTHERNICKNAMEIEVERCALLEDYOU <333333333333333
See you in a week <3
Empty Shell
What have I done?
All I wanted was to be happy again.
You came to me.
Told me you could make all the pain and suffering go away.
I believed you.
You said all you needed was for me to give you one little thing.
You said it wouldn't be of much value to me anyway.
I said okay.
And you took it.
You took my soul.
You were right of one thing.
All the pain is gone.
But only because I can't feel it.
I'm numb.
I can't feel the wind on my face, I can't laugh, I can't even see anymore.
I'm just a empty shell.
All because of you.
I was so naive.
Why did I ever say yes?
For now I am just sitting here.
No one to talk to.
No one to love.
I'm alone.
All because of you.
Do you do this to everyone like me?
People who want to just be happy again.
To escape from everything.
Do you take their souls too?
And crush them.
Up into little pieces.
And laugh at the empty shell they have become.
To leave them there.
To die.
All alone.
Just like me.
All I wanted was to be happy again.
You came to me.
Told me you could make all the pain and suffering go away.
I believed you.
You said all you needed was for me to give you one little thing.
You said it wouldn't be of much value to me anyway.
I said okay.
And you took it.
You took my soul.
You were right of one thing.
All the pain is gone.
But only because I can't feel it.
I'm numb.
I can't feel the wind on my face, I can't laugh, I can't even see anymore.
I'm just a empty shell.
All because of you.
I was so naive.
Why did I ever say yes?
For now I am just sitting here.
No one to talk to.
No one to love.
I'm alone.
All because of you.
Do you do this to everyone like me?
People who want to just be happy again.
To escape from everything.
Do you take their souls too?
And crush them.
Up into little pieces.
And laugh at the empty shell they have become.
To leave them there.
To die.
All alone.
Just like me.
Picture Perfect
I stare at the picture.
The one you gave me on my birthday.
I remember that day the picture was taken.
You, with your big, goofy grin.
Me, putting my hand up behind your head so it looked like you had bunny ears.
We were at Disney World.
We had just rode the same ride about 10 times.
We got so dizzy we almost threw up!
Neither of us had a care in the world.
Those were the days.
The picture perfect moments.
The days of happiness.
The days that we wished had never ended.
The days I want so badly to come back to me.
But that will never happen.
I know it.
You told me you never wanted to see me again.
You said you needed to go.
You said you were never going to come back.
Do you know how much you hurt me?
How much pain I went through?
Of course you don't.
For you are gone. From me. Forever.
Man I really need to change my writing style. These are all sad ones! I want to write a happy upbeat one for once! But I'll have to try once I get back from my trip. See you guys in a week ;-;
The one you gave me on my birthday.
I remember that day the picture was taken.
You, with your big, goofy grin.
Me, putting my hand up behind your head so it looked like you had bunny ears.
We were at Disney World.
We had just rode the same ride about 10 times.
We got so dizzy we almost threw up!
Neither of us had a care in the world.
Those were the days.
The picture perfect moments.
The days of happiness.
The days that we wished had never ended.
The days I want so badly to come back to me.
But that will never happen.
I know it.
You told me you never wanted to see me again.
You said you needed to go.
You said you were never going to come back.
Do you know how much you hurt me?
How much pain I went through?
Of course you don't.
For you are gone. From me. Forever.
Man I really need to change my writing style. These are all sad ones! I want to write a happy upbeat one for once! But I'll have to try once I get back from my trip. See you guys in a week ;-;
The Promise
You promised.
You said that you would always be here for me.
To help me.
To comfort me.
But here I am.
Standing here, alone.
Waiting for you to come.
But you're not here.
You never will be.
Because you lied to me.
It was all a lie.
Everything was.
You said you would stay with me.
You said you would always be here for me.
You said you would never let anyone hurt me.
You said you would love me, forever.
But you left me, a long time ago.
You were never there for me when I needed you most.
You never protected me.
You never loved me, and you probably never will.
You left me here to die.
Alone and unloved.
You said that you would always be here for me.
To help me.
To comfort me.
But here I am.
Standing here, alone.
Waiting for you to come.
But you're not here.
You never will be.
Because you lied to me.
It was all a lie.
Everything was.
You said you would stay with me.
You said you would always be here for me.
You said you would never let anyone hurt me.
You said you would love me, forever.
But you left me, a long time ago.
You were never there for me when I needed you most.
You never protected me.
You never loved me, and you probably never will.
You left me here to die.
Alone and unloved.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Crimson Colored Tears
I stare at you.
While you stare at me.
Why are you looking at me like that?
In that weird, expressionless way?
I look in the cracked mirror you have standing by your window.
Blood.
Everywhere.
What happened?
What did I do?
I look back at you.
I see the blood.
The blood that stains your face.
I see how lifeless your eyes are.
And I realize.
I realize what happened.
What went wrong.
How you became like this.
I did this.
I killed you.
I look at my hands.
Their covered in crimson.
The color stains my eyes. My skin. Everything.
I start to cry crimson colored tears.
I'm sorry.
Why did it have to turn out this way?
Will you ever forgive me?
Could you ever forgive me?
I take the broken piece of glass.
The one covered in your blood.
And put it through my heart.
Forgive me.
Please.
For I never meant to do this to you.
But they made me do it.
The voices that haunt me.
Forever.
And ever.
While you stare at me.
Why are you looking at me like that?
In that weird, expressionless way?
I look in the cracked mirror you have standing by your window.
Blood.
Everywhere.
What happened?
What did I do?
I look back at you.
I see the blood.
The blood that stains your face.
I see how lifeless your eyes are.
And I realize.
I realize what happened.
What went wrong.
How you became like this.
I did this.
I killed you.
I look at my hands.
Their covered in crimson.
The color stains my eyes. My skin. Everything.
I start to cry crimson colored tears.
I'm sorry.
Why did it have to turn out this way?
Will you ever forgive me?
Could you ever forgive me?
I take the broken piece of glass.
The one covered in your blood.
And put it through my heart.
Forgive me.
Please.
For I never meant to do this to you.
But they made me do it.
The voices that haunt me.
Forever.
And ever.
Remember
Remember the days?
The days that have been forgotten.
The days that seem so far away now.
But to me it seems like it was just yesterday.
The day you told me you loved me.
I still remember the shirt you wore that day.
The one that had the rabbit on it, it said "Be My Carrot".
I loved that shirt on you.
But that was the last time I ever saw you wear it.
After that day.
The day when you told me you loved me.
The day I pushed you away.
I broke your heart.
I broke everything.
I remember how you ran away, your tears sparkling in the sunset.
That bloody red sunset.
I wanted to run after you.
To catch you.
To say that I was sorry, but I couldn't move.
That pained look on your face was etched into my mind.
Forever and ever.
So here I am.
On my deathbed.
Counting down the days I have to live.
Remembering that day.
The day you told me you loved me.
Remembering all that pain I caused you.
I'm here to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I'm sorry you had to deal with all that pain alone.
I'm sorry I pushed you away, when you needed me most.
I'm sorry.
So now will you remember?
Will you remember the time when everything was happy?
When we never had a care in the world.
Remember.
And the all pain will go away.
Please.
Remember.
For me.
And everything will all be better again.
I promise.
I got totally inspired by Flahs blog Paper Regrets.
So I wrote this! I'd love to see what you guys think about it! This is like the first time I've ever done anything like this...
The days that have been forgotten.
The days that seem so far away now.
But to me it seems like it was just yesterday.
The day you told me you loved me.
I still remember the shirt you wore that day.
The one that had the rabbit on it, it said "Be My Carrot".
I loved that shirt on you.
But that was the last time I ever saw you wear it.
After that day.
The day when you told me you loved me.
The day I pushed you away.
I broke your heart.
I broke everything.
I remember how you ran away, your tears sparkling in the sunset.
That bloody red sunset.
I wanted to run after you.
To catch you.
To say that I was sorry, but I couldn't move.
That pained look on your face was etched into my mind.
Forever and ever.
So here I am.
On my deathbed.
Counting down the days I have to live.
Remembering that day.
The day you told me you loved me.
Remembering all that pain I caused you.
I'm here to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I'm sorry you had to deal with all that pain alone.
I'm sorry I pushed you away, when you needed me most.
I'm sorry.
So now will you remember?
Will you remember the time when everything was happy?
When we never had a care in the world.
Remember.
And the all pain will go away.
Please.
Remember.
For me.
And everything will all be better again.
I promise.
I got totally inspired by Flahs blog Paper Regrets.
So I wrote this! I'd love to see what you guys think about it! This is like the first time I've ever done anything like this...
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Why am I so selfish?
If you asked me to tell you one bad quality about myself... I would say that I'm selfish. Because I truly am. I hate it. I always get jealous when my friends go out without me. Or share a personal joke, something like that. I always want to be included in it and butt in. I don't want to be like this. But I always want my friends to be kept to myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be like this, but I am.
So I'm sorry.
Sorry that I'm annoying sometimes.
I'm sorry that I butt in sometimes.
Sorry.
Please forgive me.
For I just don't know what to do anymore but apologize.
So I'm sorry.
Sorry that I'm annoying sometimes.
I'm sorry that I butt in sometimes.
Sorry.
Please forgive me.
For I just don't know what to do anymore but apologize.
Monday, June 14, 2010
First entry!
I told myself I was going to blog today. So here I am! My first one! Yay.
Today has been busy! I went to my friend Lanie's house today to go swimming... It was like 80 degrees or something! It was sooooo hot! But we had ice cream after so it was all good! And we made this really retarded video too! Ah, good times. And now as this day is ending, I am sitting here on my computer. Being on OZ, chatango, formspring, and here. While drawing yet another picture for OZ. AND listening to 3OH!3 all at the same time! :3
Wee.
But I am also very sad. For on Thursday (I think) we're going to have to put my dog down! She is very old though... Her hips have been giving out on her and she is 13... But I will miss her. Very much. Oh and I'm leaving for vacation again in like 5 days. It's not really vacation though.. More like me helping my mom run a massage tent at a bike tour (it's a long story)! Ugh. I do it every year though... But I've always brought a friend with me, and this year everyone was busy! So I'm going alone. Sigh. Hmmm... What else should I say? I dunno... I think I'll stop for now. I'm going to continue talking to Flah on chatango! :D Until my next blog. Whenever that shall be...
This entry is weird... Oh well >.>;
Today has been busy! I went to my friend Lanie's house today to go swimming... It was like 80 degrees or something! It was sooooo hot! But we had ice cream after so it was all good! And we made this really retarded video too! Ah, good times. And now as this day is ending, I am sitting here on my computer. Being on OZ, chatango, formspring, and here. While drawing yet another picture for OZ. AND listening to 3OH!3 all at the same time! :3
Wee.
But I am also very sad. For on Thursday (I think) we're going to have to put my dog down! She is very old though... Her hips have been giving out on her and she is 13... But I will miss her. Very much. Oh and I'm leaving for vacation again in like 5 days. It's not really vacation though.. More like me helping my mom run a massage tent at a bike tour (it's a long story)! Ugh. I do it every year though... But I've always brought a friend with me, and this year everyone was busy! So I'm going alone. Sigh. Hmmm... What else should I say? I dunno... I think I'll stop for now. I'm going to continue talking to Flah on chatango! :D Until my next blog. Whenever that shall be...
This entry is weird... Oh well >.>;
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