For Sebby.

Dear Sebby,

I would write this and yell at you for even THINKING about leave.
Telling you to stay, how we all would miss you so much.
But for once I'm not going to be the needy person.
Trust me, I REALLY want to yell/cry/scream/etc.
But this time I won't. Don't worry, just because I'm not yelling doesn't mean I could ever lose interest in someone as awesomely amazing as you.
I'm just switching tactics.
Sebby, I would never, EVER, forget you.
I would never, even if I was in the worst mood ever in my life, I would never want you to ever leave.
Neither would a lot of people, trust me, I know.
We all want you to stay.
But I know you have your reasons, and I accept it.
You have a say too.
But know, If you left Sebby there is a 95% chance I would leave right along with you.
I'm not kidding.
We've always talked about it.
You told me the people who if they ever left you would leave too...
They didn't leave and yet you still want to leave...
That's ok, there's nothing wrong with that.
Maybe you do need a break!
But know...
We love you so fucking much Sebby.
i would never, EVER, lie about that.
So please, Just listen to what I have to say.
If you need a break you need a break!
That's ok...
I will probably leave as well... who knows.
I just please want you to think this all the way through Sebby.
Not every single person hates you.
That's impossible.
No matter how true it may seem to you then.. It's not.
There are people out there who care about you Sebby, they want you.
Okay?
Please.
Just listen.
Think about this all the way through before you do anything.
What are the pros and what are the cons?
Ask yourself that.
Please Sebby.

We love you.
Kelly

Downhill.

I swear, this has been the worst weekend of my life.
That's probably a lie but I'm telling you it sure feels like it.
So many bad emotions are swirling around inside me. Depression, Sadness, Nervousness, Anger, Angst, Uneasiness, etc.
Everything right now that's happening seems to be bad.
All I want right now is just to rant to someone.
I want to say every word that comes to my mind, I want them to listen to me, to comfort me, right now I just want to talk to someone.
2 days have made me the worse I've ever been.
It seems like everyone is upset right now.
I've been trying to help, I always do.
It seems like it never works. Ever.
That is a lie. I know for a fact that some people have thanked me sometimes for cheering them up... But listening to them talk, blog, etc. It seems like what they told me was fake.
I will admit. The internet has made me depressed.
I will also admit. The internet has made me super happy.
50/50
Sometimes worse than others.
But I want to stay.
I just want to stay.
This blog has started to become my diary almost...
So many things.
So many things are making me so upset.
I don't want my computer to automatically turn off at 11pm SHARP. Thanks dad.
That's what's causing most of the anger, nervousness, and depression now.
Wonderful.
And my friends?
Well my homeschool friends are growing farther away from me.
We hardly ever text anymore.
I am making new friends at school.. But I've only been there a day. And every morning so far my stomach hurts like hell.
As for my friends here?
There are the good times and the bad.
This is a bad time.
I want to see them happy.
I know for a fact that I can't make every person in the world happy.
But I still will try.
I guess it's just the kind of person I am maybe?
I don't know.
I listen to nothing but emo music right now.
I write so many rant blogs and never post them.
My emotions are everywhere.
I want someone to talk to.
To listen to me.
To comfort me.
But right now everyone here has their own problems that they need to deal with.
I admit. I'm afraid to talk to anyone anymore in fear I will put them in a bad mood.
I'm just scared.
Scared of everything.
I'm scared to ask Nick to read to me.
I'm scared to ask Sebby to talk to me.
I'm scared to talk to Cessy.
I'm scared of school, internet, the future...
Everything.
I hate this.
I hate it so much.
I'm sure it will all get better soon...
Hopefully.
All I can do anymore is hope.
I guess I just need to be patient.
And I'm one of the most impatient people in the world.
Great.
I thought this blog would help...
But those feelings are still there.
I don't want someone to read this and feel worse about themselves.
But I'm posting it anyway.
I'm such a worry wart.
Dammit.

I can't do anything right can I?

You've got to be kidding me

Ok. So this morning I got up at 5 and got ready for school...
It was my second day today and I didn't want to forget anything so after going through what I had 5 times we left. Yesterday we found 2 sophomores to carpool with us so we took them with us too... Well when we got there my stomach immediately, after I threw up all over my uniform mom took me home.

After trying to fall asleep for 4 hours I decided to just stop and do my homework.
I spent 3 hours organizing my stupid tablet so my homework would be easier to find and do. And emailed about 3 of my teachers because I was confused with the assignments. And then I even accidentally deleted one of the documents and had to redo it all.
So now I am sitting here feeling sick to my stomach, I'm drinking the nastiest tea ever, and mom wants me to go sit outside for half a hour to get some "Vitamin D".

Oh and you want to know what the worst thing is?
Well tomorrow my grandparents from Florida are coming in. So I have to move all my things to the basement. And mom and dad are like "Be sure to spend lots of time with grandma and grandpa". They have to remember how stressed about school, I'm sick, and I'll have homework to do. I'm not saying I'm not going to visit with them at all. I just need my alone time.
And I have no clue what to do about Skype. The school won't let me download it onto my tablet, grandpa is the one who will be getting my room and he takes naps all the time so I won't be able to use my computer in my room. So I'm either going to have to hook up dads laptop every night or have dad download it on a different laptop for me.

Ugh. My stomach hurts. I'm going to go take a nap.
This really bites.

I'm not alone anymore

I was reading one of Sebbys blogs. I always wait a long time to read a couple of them... So I was super late on commenting but I didn't care... He was talking about all the friends he has and how he'll never be alone.

That makes me start thinking too....

I think I'm pretty much the same! I have my friends here... Here and RL. And when my RL friends are yelling at me for going to school and not staying with them... Or if I just can't see my RL friends... My friends here are here for me to talk to. All of them.

Time zones are a bitch but somehow we always work around that. My parents may yell at me for being on the computer too much... But I'm really not... Lately it's just one time in the day and it's for a while.. But they make me get off so early to "Go to bed"... WHO THE HELL CAN GO TO BED AT 9:30" ;-;

I'm going to find a way to fix that with them soon.

But as I was saying before I got super side tracked... I have everyone here. I have Skype convos with everyone almost every day... I have OZ. One things for sure, I am NOT lonely.

Sebby: There has never been a time when you didn't make me happy. Just your voice alone can make me smile. I always think I bug the crap out of you... You tell me otherwise... But that's not going to change the fact that I think I'm annoying to you sometimes...
You're still one of my best friends here. You were defiantly my first. Just you existing here is enough to make me happy! I love you so freaking much Sebby. Always know that ok?

Cessy:
(Skype)
[10:36:07 AM] Cessy: i think you're my
[10:36:08 AM] Cessy: ;-;
[10:36:09 AM] Cessy: first
[10:36:15 AM] Cessy: ;-; oz girlyfriend
[10:36:17 AM] Cessy: ;-;...
Cessy I practically cried when I read that. You are always there when I need you most! Even if it's just you listening to me talk about "That one person"... You always listen. And I try to do the same. I always want to help people.. Always always always. And when someone says something like "That made me feel so much better" Or something like that (You just told me those words 10 minutes ago too.. lol) Know that ok? I always want to help and be there for you. I always want to be there for everyone... Even if I can't. I love you Cessy. And no matter what you say you have BEASTLY MAD SKILLZ at your avi making. So there.

Nick: There always needs to be someone to tell you you're a creeper right? .__.
And even though it shows just how much more of a creeper I am, You still will read to me time to time (even if it is like pulling teeth.) I JUST LIKE IT WHEN YOU READ OK? ;-;
And still. You're there for me. At least I have someone to show my rant blogs to when I'm super upset. Thank you.

There are just so many more people that are there for me... Lily, Angie, Daisy, Noro, Hiro... etc. And I love you all. It's just I need to wrap this blog up and I just wanted to give Sebby, Cessy, and Nick a personal thank you. I know one of these days I'll write a friend blog so I can personally thank every one of you guys... And it may take forever to do but I promise I will do it.

The reason I'm writing this now is because today is officially my last day of summer...
I want to thank every one of you for making my summer a amazing one.
This is a summer I'll never forget. For now I will go from a home schooler to a.... schooler? lol I dunno.
So thank you.
Thank you all for making my summer a amazing one.
I love you all so much.

Kelly ♥

Cheeseballs.

The title of this blog has absolutely nothing to do with what's actually in this blog... I've just been saying Cheeseballs all day for some random reason.

Hmm... I haven't done a blog in a while have I? There hasn't been anything much for me to write I guess... I have my never ending mood swings... I've been doing tons of rant blogs but I never post them... That's all my Blogger is good for I guess... rants.

Well today I saw my home school friends once more, that was fun... But you know the one thing I absolutely hate? They all act as if I'm moving away and will never come back.
I MEAN COME ON.
I'm staying in the exact same house I've been all my life. I'll just be going somewhere else to "learn".
But I'll just let them believe what they want to.

Another reason I haven't been blogging much is ever since I got back from Oregon I've been so damn busy. I had this "Study Prep Course" thing last week, with taking my school photo, getting my schedule, etc... It was fun... BUT I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON DAMMIT. I have to get up at 5:30 when I actually start Thursday ;-; voeuvievnoefvnufovbuvobvodinvlsdnvdnvlsdncvlsdn

Almost every night now I've been having LOOOONG (Super fun) Skype convos with everyone... those always make my days absolutely perfect... If I had a super crappy day I just go on Skype and forget it all. And I found the one thing that makes me the happiest... Is for Nick to read to me. I'MSUCHACREEPER. But I swear it's true... Who knows why. I just like for people to read me stuff... and when I'm tired Nicks voice can put me to sleep somehow. NOT when Noro's laughing in the background though. Sorry Noro .____.
lol ;-;

But something that makes me super mad is my parents. On the weekend they made me get off at 10. 10! It's the weekend. I should be staying up till 1am or something... which I do anyway... Sometimes I just get super pissed and sneak on. Or sometimes I read for HOURS. Which isn't a very fun thing to do when you know you could be on Skype and OZ doing Ozish/Skypish stuff. I shall have "A Talk" with The Parents next week probably about this issue... Especially when on the weekdays they make me get of at 9:30 >:c

Other stuff has happened too... But I'm too tired to write anything else. I've been taking naps everyday. I'm not sleeping enough I guess... But for someones that's running on 3 hours of sleep I've been pretty hyper all day...

So yeah.
Pretty much same old same old.
Mood swings, aren't those fun.
Stressing out about school again.
Arguing with my home school friends that it's not like I'm moving away, I'm just going to school...
Mhm.
Isn't life fun.

BEST DAY EVER....

OK OK OK. SO LIKE...
FIRST.
We went to Costco. WEEE. Nah. So like it was super crowded... I HATE CROWDS SO MUCH! ;-;
But like, as I squeezed through the sea of people (;-;) I saw this box. There was something SUPER fuzzy and soft looking in it. As I got closer I realised it was a HUGE teddy bear!!!!! And I like literally screamed "GLOOMY BEAR"... Some people stared at me ;-;
But I like, grabbed it and squeezed it and wanted to take it home with me... But I knew I couldn't take him home with me cause the bear would need like it's own seat on the plane ;-;
SO. I'm going to go home and see if our Costco has it. If not then I will force them to order it for me.

SECOND.
I GOT A DORKBAT. It's a Ugly Doll! The cute little bat one! ;-;
I WAS SO FREAKING HAPPY.

THIRD (the best one)
I FINALLY SAW MY BABY (the newletter) My Email isn't on this laptop so I had to make Ari copy and paste it...I felt bad to have to make her do that... BUT ONCE I READ IT... I CRIED. I WAS SO HAPPY. SO SO SO HIGH ON HAPPINESS. OHMIGOSH, I WAS SO HYPER/HAPPY. It was amazing to see my NAME on there ;-; omg I got credit. That just made my day perfect.

OTHER STUFF.
I saw a movie and stuff.. Good movie.. Good dinner too... BUT NOTHING COULD EVER MATCH UP TO THE NEWSLETTER OR THE GLOOMY BEAR. Best day ever ;-;

LOVE KELLY.