Fear.

My stomach hurts again.
Ugh been really busy lately. My friends were like "Hey how about we go shopping the day before the Christmas party so we can buy each other out presents then!"
Why did I say yes.
It was SO FUCKING BUSY. The lines were soooo long. Traffic was a bitch. ahhshdfefe
Not fun.
I didn't say much when we went shopping. I was lost in my own thoughts.
Then yesterday was the party.
I got sock monkey socks. Thank you Lanie!
I also got the movie Juno from Julia. Maybe I can finally watch it now.
Last night I had to leave the party early. I told everyone I didn't feel good and was tired.
That was a lie but I finally got to leave.
I DO feel sick. I haven't eaten much lately.
But it's not just a cold.
It's worry...?
Can you really get sick from worry? I think so.
I'm scaring my parents a little... Wanting to be left alone more than usual.
I'm worse than the moody teenager I always am. Much worse.
Hey I'm not cutting myself.
Isn't that good enough?
I lied in bed until 3am last night. My eyes were wide eyed. I wouldn't fall asleep.
I was so scared.

I like the smell of this apple cider candle. Spark spark.

My eyes hurt. I'm tired. I don't feel good at all. I STILL am worrying.
If I tell you okay I'm lying. Just so you know.
But mom and dad are on their way home with Bobby from the airport now.
It's my moms cousin from like... Florida or something... I don't remember.
Bobby is pretty cool though.
He's super nice.
Oh and he writes gay porn for a living! I think that's pretty cool personally.
But that's just me.
Not to mention he had a stroke once. So his right hand doesn't work at all.
He loves to read and always reads his Kindle by the fire.
But to write his books he has that thing that you speak into it and it puts down the word.
I just LOVE to imagine how writing his books would be like.
But no Bobby's awesome. He's pretty low key. He's going to stay with us until Christmas this year too.
I'm going to go try to do work now... Got something to proofread finally. I hope I don't mess up.
Ow my eyes hurt from crying... lol.
Bye.